Raymond Parenting

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Click on above link to see review of this Seminar.

By Kitty via Kids In Cowtown blog on May 3, 2011

A couple months ago, when we found out that one of the new sponsors for Kids In Cowtown was going to be Raymond Parenting, Kitty Raymond made the offer of a free class if one of us wanted to review her classes for this site. I jumped that the chance. Let me tell you why.

You see, I had already heard good things about Kitty Raymond. My father, who is now retired, is a child psychologist and mental health manager. When Audrey was first born, he told me about Kitty and how highly he thought of her. I am very lucky; my father and I agree on most things when it comes to parenting. So I knew if he liked Kitty, I probably would too. On top of that, my preschool teacher used Kitty’s methods in my preschool class and my neighbour went to Kitty’s classes about 13 years ago and also speaks highly of her. Kitty has been making a difference in Calgary families for a long time. Long story short, I had been thinking about going to one of her classes for a while and just had not gotten around to it.

Now, after reading all that, you might think I went into the seminar a little biased. But if you read my blog you will know that I am a critical thinker and not one to jump on a bandwagon unless I really do agree. You will also know that I tend to be, at the very least, skeptical about a lot of “parenting theories”, finding most of them too restrictive or making too many assumptions. I prefer instead to use my instincts and my knowledge of my child to make parenting choices. So I did go into the seminar with a skeptical eye.

I attended Kitty’s “Setting Health Limits” seminar. The concept behind this seminar is to help parents and caregivers learn about setting boundaries for 1-5 year olds. On Kitty’s website it says:

“Discipline is one of the most loving - yet difficult - jobs a parent ever has to do.  Whether through turning your child’s play area into a rich environment, purposefully ignoring tantrums or deciding how to keep a toddler from running away, parents of young children are tested every day.”

Kitty speaks with a very warm and inviting tone, while still being very clear and to the point. Here were some of the things I noticed and really liked about her seminar:

1) Acknowledgment of normal development and realistic expectations

A good section of her seminar was around debunking the myth of ‘bad behaviour’ in 1-5 year olds. Kitty very much acknowledges that certain frustrating behaviours are developmentally appropriate. We need to have realistic expectations of our children and it is helpful to understand that those behaviours are normal. I think good parenting practice and tools need to be rooted in the developmental stage of a child. In my opinion, you shouldn’t parent a 28 month old the same way you parent a 9 month old, I believe Kitty would agree.

2) Very practical examples

Kitty uses very practical and realistic examples, things that we all have experienced, to explain her perspective. This make her seminars very clear and easy to follow. It is not just ‘theory’; what she is saying is tied directly into normal every day events.

3) “I would like to see you”

Kitty uses this phrase all the time when answering questions and I just loved it. There is generous time for individual questions at the end of the session and when she answers those questions she does so in a very direct but respectful way. Instead of saying what one ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do, she uses this “I would like to see you” phrase, allowing her to share her advice without the one receiving the advice feeling judged.

4) “Learn to parent the child you have”

She also touches on an important point that is near and dear to my heart. Every child is different and these differences can mean that ever child behaves differently and also can need different things, even though there are typical patterns in developmental behaviour. One of the points she made, that I loved ,was to encourage parents to think about the situations where their child is at their best and replicate that situation as much as possible. Conversely, sh recommends reducing exposure to situations where your child is not at their best. For example, if you child melts down every time you take them to a party, then come late and leave early.

5) Clear and simple suggestions

Lastly, the tools and methods Kitty suggests are very clear and simple. They aren’t 10 step processes or a whole bunch of ‘if this then this’. Her tool box is easy to use because it gets to the point. It address the root cause of behaviour, allowing the parent to fairly easily determine which tool meets the need.

Overall, I would highly recommend Kitty’s sessions. After going to her Health Limits Class, I would like to go to her class on Toliet Learning.

I will acknowledge though, that I do think that some of what she suggests was hard for some parents to fully buy into. While I was nodding through most of her seminar, I could sense there were ‘but’s’  on the tongues of others. I think a lot of the parents there were struggling to make the shift from how to parent a baby (AKA, ultra responsive) to how to parent a toddler (AKA, ignore tempertantrums). But overall, I think her approach is one of the best I have heard. Practical, loving but with clear boundaries and consistent response. Totally worth it.

To learn more about Kitty’s upcoming seminars on sleep, healthy boundaries and toilet learning, click here.

By Kitty on May 3, 2011