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Toilet Training for Pre-school

Posted April 10, 2009

Dear Kitty,

My 3-year old daughter is registered for preschool in September.  Of course, the preschool wants her to be potty trained and we've been working on it but some days she gets it and some days she doesn't.  I've told her she can't go to preschool unless she is using the potty, but now she is saying she doesn't want to go to preschool.  Help!

You aren't the only parent beginning to worry.  This week's Toilet Learning seminar registration is larger than at other times of the year. I'm sure this is no coincidence.

Preschool 'by-laws' are gradually evolving, thank goodness.  Some are still very strict but most are reasonable.  If your child has a thin pull-up on for some weeks most teachers will turn a blind eye.  I'm not suggesting you lie about how complete the toilet training job is, but I do suggest you be...vague in your answer.  "It is coming along very well, though I will send her in a pull-up at first just to save you any time or trouble."

Luckily, children usually don't poop during the 2 hour of preschool.  They are distracted by activities and usually wait until they get home.  If they happen to pee in their pull-up during this time, no one need be the wiser.  Tell her if this happens, you can change her when she gets home.

Your daughter's claim that she doesn't want to go to preschool (because of strings attached) is the best reminder for parents not to use this as a threat.  Instead, you can say "You have a very smart body.  I know that.  Your body is working hard to figure out peeing and pooping.  It's doing a good job and that is all we need to know."

I wish we didn't have artificial deadlines imposed by school and I wish we didn't have peer or generational pressure from people keeping track of eachchild's progress.  Nearly every parent I know approaches this so-called milestone with some trepidation.  We need to remember that every body gets it eventually and when or how should remain your family's private business.

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