Time Management with a Toddler

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Time Management with a Toddler

Posted February 1, 2009

Dear Kitty,

This may sound like a silly question, but sometimes I have trouble filling my day when my 18 month old and I are home together. He would love to have me play with him the whole time but somehow I think I should put a limit on that. I would appreciate your advice on what a toddler's day should look like, in a very general way, of course, knowing that every day is not exactly identical.

I think your question is a good one and I agree with you that constant entertainment by a parent is not in a child's best interest. Creativity and resourcefulness will result as your child experiences regular times during the day when he needs to rely on himself and his own ideas for entertainment.

What follows is an excerpt from an as yet unpublished book I've written called "Parenting: Keep It Simple". This section addresses your question:

Managing Your Time with a Toddler in the House

This can be very challenging. Children ages one and two years may test parents by willingly becoming "hooked" on any kind of entertainment the parent will offer, especially if it means going out of the house, being picked up, played with, etc. Many toddlers seem to resist entertaining themselves. Yet, because we know that free play with interesting play props and without an adult directly involved is the way toddlers do their best learning, I encourage parents to schedule 'alone' time for their toddler. Here might be a typical toddler's day:

7:00am Get up and putter* / eat breakfast / putter again while parent is also having their breakfast.
8:00am Independent playtime (45 minutes) in room, with door or gate secured while parent showers, or eats or is otherwise busy. (happy or not, this is important time for a toddler)
9:00am Time to putter, following caregiver; "helping" with jobs
10:00am Watch short program, video, or listens to book on tape
10:30am Read stories with parent or caregiver
11:00am trip out to park, mall, groceries, back yard
12:00am lunch
12:30 -1:00pm go down for a nap which lasts approximately 2 hours or more
3:00pm wake up, listen to book on tape, 30 minute video, or music
3:30pm read books with parent or caregiver
4:00pm a walk outside, groceries, play in snow, rain, etc.
5:00pm solitary playtime in room (45 minutes) with door or gate secured (happy or not is OK)
6:00pm supper, bath, stories
7:00pm bed time
7:30pm parents eat supper by candlelight!

This chart is intended as a suggestion of how a parent can manage time with a toddler in the house. The day will probably always go best when the same general routine is followed day after day. Toddlers do not seem to thrive on variety. They prefer events to be predictable.

It is important for the parent of a child this age to practice "healthy selfishness" by building in time for yourself throughout the day, not just to get work done but to read a novel, drink tea sitting down and model for your child that parents have interests, too.

*Puttering refers to a child wandering about, picking up small portable objects and bringing them to an adult, walking away, wandering back, whining a bit for possible attention, then going over to a cupboard or toy when adult attention isn't forthcoming.

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(1) comments

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Comments

Thank you for taking the time to read my question – I really value your expertise!

My husband and I have done the sleep training with both of our children (Lawson 23 months and Anna 9 months) and have followed all of your guidelines very specifically and had great success. We also took your “Setting Healthy Limits” seminar, and those guidelines, so far, are working for us. So, when we wanted to give our son, Lawson, independent play time, we turned to your website for guidance. We found, on your blog, from February 1st, 2009, a question from a mother to you, who sounds exactly the same as me, only I have a 9 month old also. So, we thought we would try your recommendation that you gave this other lady.

My day looks like the “typical toddler day” you had recommended:

7:00am Get up and putter* / eat breakfast / putter again while parent is also having their breakfast.
8:00am Independent playtime (45 minutes) in room, with door or gate secured while parent showers, or eats or is otherwise busy. (happy or not, this is important time for a toddler)
9:00am Time to putter, following caregiver; “helping” with jobs
10:00am Watch short program, video, or listens to book on tape
10:30am Read stories with parent or caregiver
11:00am trip out to park, mall, groceries, back yard
12:00am lunch
12:30 -1:00pm go down for a nap which lasts approximately 2 hours or more
3:00pm wake up, listen to book on tape, 30 minute video, or music
3:30pm read books with parent or caregiver
4:00pm a walk outside, groceries, play in snow, rain, etc.
5:00pm solitary playtime in room (45 minutes) with door or gate secured (happy or not is OK)
6:00pm supper, bath, stories
7:00pm bed time

So, in order to do the “Independent Play Time”, I went out and bought some “special baskets” (4) and filled them with new toys (blocks, doctor’s kit, dress up clothes, cars, farm animals *these toys are changes every day). I toddler proofed his room, put down a play mat, bought him a little lunch box to put his special snack in and a special water bottle. So, yesterday was our first day implementing the above routine. When it came to “special play time”, I took him to the pantry and filled up his lunch box with some raisins and gold fish. He was excited and carried it upstairs to the closet where the baskets were. I showed him the baskets and he got very excited. We went into his room and I put the baskets on the floor with his snack. He was still excited at what was going on. Then I said to him, “it is special play time now. Mommy loves you and I will see you in a while”. I then shut the door (the door locks from the outside). He started to scream and cry really loud. Now, I know you said “Happy or not, this is an important time for toddlers”. He cried and screamed the full 45 minutes. Once I opened the door he wanted me to play with him on the floor. We played for a few minutes and then moved on to the next part of the day. Then when it came to nap time yesterday, he screamed and cried for his whole nap time. He never does this! Then today we did the exact same thing as yesterday. His play time today was a little less screaming and crying, but the same reaction from him when I went in the room. Now I have just put him down for a nap, and he cried for about an hour, now it is quiet. However, he never cries like this.

Therefore, my concern is … “Am I doing this correctly for my son, his age and his self esteem? My biggest fear is that I am traumatizing him or making him feel alone. And, when it is nap time, I also do not want him to fall out of his wonderful sleep habits because he is afraid to be in his room alone”.

Raymond Parenting

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