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“You Mean Your Child is Dry Overnight?”

Posted April 21, 2011

Michelle's boy, Sheraton, age 3.5 years began to wake up dry about 1 month after he was able to stay dry during the day.  This made Michelle believe that dry nights and dry days went together.  "No," said Jasmine, mother of Katie, also age 3.5 years.  "In fact we've been working on overnights for 4 months!  We limit fluids, take her to the bathroom as we go to bed and promise her treats if she keeps herself dry overnight.  This is getting very frustrating."

Sheraton and Jasmine are developing normally.  The fact that one wakes up dry and the other doesn't has nothing to do with training, promises, obedience or intellect.  In fact, I recommend parents do not "try" for dryness overnight with their child.  The child has no control over what the body does when the child is soundly sleeping.  It is their job to be sound asleep and not lying awake trying to be "good" or gain the treat or please parents in the morning.  This represents too much pressure over something that happens while the child is sound asleep.

The more soundly the child sleeps, the more likely the bed is to be wet in the morning.  Interestingly, the tendency to sleep very soundly is believed to be inheritable often from genes passed down through the paternal line.  (Sorry, dads, uncles, grandfathers...)  Bladders also grow at different rates leading us to know that dry nights will happen at remarkably different ages.l

"Bed wetting" isn't usually labeled as such until after age 5.  Even then most doctors are hesitant to take action, preferring to take a wait and see approach. 

Obviously, this knowledge helps Michelle and her partner relax and opt to buy a large box of the most sophisticated overnight pull-ups they can find. Now they can think about other, more interesting things. It is also very important to let your child know that it's not their fault if their pull-up is wet in the morning.  Tell them that they have a very smart body and their body will decide all by itself - when it is ready to hold on to the pee overnight.

 

Feel free to share this blog with other parents who may be struggling with this issue.

May Seminars

Sleep from the Start (pre-postnatal)                   Thursday, May 2, 2011

Toilet Learning the Easy Way                              Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Setting Healthy Limits Age 1-4 Years (discipline) Tuesday, May 17, 2011

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“When should I attend the Toilet Learning Seminar?”

Posted November 18, 2010

Just wondering about your toilet training seminar... Wondering what age is appropriate to sign up?  My daughter is 18 months - wondering If you suggest waiting until after 2 or later before i register for anything... thanks!

In my Toilet Learning the Easy Way seminar I focus on the year between age two and three.  I discuss what parents may do during that year, with a particular focus on my strong recommendations about what not to do during that year. This is a year for toilet learning. It isn't until age three that I recommend parents do any toilet training (sometimes the child will have figured it out independently by then, which is lovely.)

Of course these recommendations go against popular beliefs that all this should be accomplished "early," and parents often feel peer or generational pressure to have this finished around age two.  I prefer to reach parents before they are tempted to start "training" so in that sense, any time between 18 months and 24 months is a good time to attend. Oh, and beware of the "false start" potential around 19-21 months when some children become very curious about the toilet and parents mistakenly think they need to get going on training. Doing so can mean spending the better part of the next  2 years struggling with this issue.

Thank you for asking what many parents wonder about.

Kitty

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5 Tips for Toilet Learning

Posted October 16, 2009

Tip #1 Expect your child to be able to use the potty reliably (independently) by age 3.5 years.  Research shows this age is the new "normal."

Tip #2 Be respectful of the fact that this is your child's body (not yours) and kids this age need time to become comfortable with new skills and expectations.

Tip #3 Remember how young children learn best: by watching you, not by being taught or "trained."

Tip #4 Resist reading parenting books on this subject - each one gives different advice.  Instead, buy a few potty books for your child and read them frequently (with no strings attached!)

Tip #5 Be aware that most children show a spike of temporary interest around 19-21 months - which will quickly be replaced by other interests and should not be taken as a sign of "readiness."

To learn more join me for  Toilet Learning the Easy Way. Tuesday,  January 26, 7-9 PM

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