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Those Pesky Naps - so hard to solve!

Posted September 23, 2010

Overnight sleep becomes easier for many babies and children in the fall because the days shorten and the dark comes earlier.  Naps, on the other hand, can be difficult for some babies and toddlers all year long.  Research has been unable to determind why some young children sleep easily in the day for 2-3 hours at a time while others have to work hard to get to sleep in the first place -- and then wake up angry after 45 minutes, seemingly unable to return to sleep and finish off a good nap.

Naturally, I hear more often from parents whose babies resist napping than from parents whose babies slumber easily throughout the day.  And of course we must admit that sometimes it is a lifestyle issue in that during the first year many mothers do not wish to feel "homebound."  To be fair, though, I've worked with several parents lately who have spend seemingly endless days at home trying to help their baby learn the art of good daytime sleep.

Here are some of the general guidelines you may consider as you do nap-work with your own child.  Remember all the while, though, that YOU know your baby best and you never want to lose track of your own intuition in favor of mine or anyone elses sleep advice.  You make decisions that fit for your family; if you feel your are not successful, then you can make new decisions and experiment with those.  You are the person on the ground, so to speak, and you'll know - through careful observation - whether the changes you make are helping your child and your family - or not.

• A nap of 1.5 hours of continuous sleep is sufficient for some babies to wake up refreshed, able to stay awake to feed and remain happy through a short playtime. For some, it takes being in bed for 2 hours before they can master getting to sleep and staying asleep for 1.5 hours.  This is why I recommend naps last approximately 2 hours.  Also, I like the caregiver to have a dependable break.
• A nap of 2-3 hours is easy for some babies, once they've designed their self-calming strategies.
• Extra crying and restlessness at bedtime or throughout the night is most often a sign of inadequate daytime sleep.  Good daytime sleep begets good - and longer - night sleep.
• Babies will nap much better if the room is cool, about 18'.
• If a baby is waking inappropriately for feeding during the night (over 12 lbs.), this can create problems during naptimes, as well. It's time to stop night feeds.
  
• Schedules will vary a bit during the day if your baby sleeps on unexpectedly  at some point.  Try to make adjustments accordingly rather than wake the baby up just to stay on schedule.
  
• It never pays to keep a baby awake who is showing you she is tired.  Put her to bed earlier and adjust your schedule expectations.
• Often babies who go to bed earlier...will sleep later in the morning.  The reverse of this usually seems more logical to parents, but is untrue.

I'm available for one last Monday of Telephone Counseling on September 27.   Appointments resume on November 8.

If you have continuing problems helping your child become a good sleeper, there will be a Sleep from Now On seminar held on Tuesday, November 9, 2010.

If you have immediate questions regarding your child's sleep habits, please purchase an email question (Ask Kitty) from the store at http://www.raymondparenting.com  Through October, I'll be able to answer your questions within about 3-5 days.  When writing a question, be sure to include your child's age.  If your question requires you to give me a lot of detailed information, it is appreciated if you purchase two email questions to cover it.  Thank you.

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Moving to a Bed (from a Crib)

Posted July 28, 2010

I'll sort of give you some background information.  I have 2 kids - J. is turning 3 at the end of July, and M. is 10 months old.  J. still sleeps in a crib, and uses a pacifier only for nap time and bedtime in her crib only.  (On top of that she's not toilet trained - but that's a whole other story!)  We've had her "big girl bed" in her room for the last year since her sister was born...just to read books in it so she'd get comfortable with it, but have never pushed her to sleep in it.  A few weeks ago she wanted to start sleeping with a blanket instead of her sleep sack, and tonight for the first time she asked for a pillow.  Both of which we did when she asked.Tonight for the first night, she asked to sleep in her big girl bed. We're happy to put her in if she is asking because in my mind it means she's ready (we just need to put the rail on), but I have a need to know a few things before we do that.
 
We're moving sometime in the next month.  And I'd really like to get rid of the pacifier (it's ruining her teeth - and she doesn't even use it to sleep at daycare - I'm just afraid to take it away).  And I'm worried that in her big girl bed she'll lose them and call us when she can't find them...and not have a restful sleep.  So what order do we do things in?  Or do we take away the pacifier and put her in the big girl bed at once?  I know you say to take the pacifier away cold turkey...but what do we tell her?  And should she be involved in the process of getting rid of them?  I don't think she'd be very happy about that!  And do you believe that kids are ready for a big girl bed when they start asking?  And is this not a good time because we're moving - or better to do it now rather than all at once?
 
Thanks in advance for your response - I have always valued your advice!

Kitty answers:

This is absolutely the way/time I like the transition to a big bed to happen.  By waiting until age 3 (+-) it gives the child time to become interested and curious about the transition and feel in charge of it.  Her timing is good and I see no big reason to make her work around the moving time.  So my advice is to follow her lead.  Two important things:

• Let her know that in order to keep her safe and for you to know where she is, only parents will be in charge of when her door closes or opens.  I suggest you find a method you are comfortable with (white door-knob cover? hook and eye lock on outside?) so you can stay 100% in control of where she is, just as if you have turned her whole room into one large crib. (I would leave the crib up for a week or so, just in case she needs to make a few trial runs...)
• I suggest you leave the soother in place, for now.  After the move and once she is a good sleeper in her new bed (glitches do arise, occasionally, even at this age), it will then be a good time to take the soother away.  To do that, you can tell her "Tonight is the night you will be able to fall asleep without the soother, just like you do at daycare.  (warning her ahead only creates anxiety)  If she tries to talk you out of it, let her know it's OK if she needs to cry because crying will help her get to sleep faster."  Then, you just do it.  Give her something new to suck on (she probably won't use it) and tell her you know she can do it. In the meantime, you can let her know that if she loses her soothers in her big bed, she can get out of bed and look for it.  Let her know that her soothers are up to her, now.  (put an extra in a box on a shelf and let her know the location?)
• Generally, I do not recommend a child participates in the "loss" of soothers.  When/why they go should be an adult decision, and if you can avoid feeling sorry for her (hard!) she'll feel more confident in the long run.

Good questions, and thank you for writing.

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Baby-Tested “Lovies” for Self-Calming

Posted April 3, 2010

I'm remembering a question that was raised at a recent Sleep from the Start prenatal seminar: "When I lay my baby in her crib - awake - and trust her to get herself to sleep without rocking her or feeding her to sleep, is there anything I can safely put into the crib to help her with self-calming?"

My answer was "Yes", and I want to share some ideas with you. Several companies have released carefully designed, suck-able, non-toxic and organic items which are easy for babies to grab ahold of (accidentally or on purpose) and bring to the mouth to suck on or to simply hold onto tightly... as they put themselves to sleep. You may need to ignore the marketing blurbs that promise eye/hand coordination or better brain development.  We are just looking for safe, attractive items to become your child's "lovey."  Handy to take on planes and makes it easier for your baby to maintain their self-calming strategies in new beds, new places.

Cuski Doll

Sophie the Giraffe is made by this company.  BPA-free, suck-able and easy to grasp neck. ( I wish Sophie didn't squeak)

Nature Babies at Calgary Farmer's Market.  I bought a Teething Carrot (100% organic cotton) to send to a friend.  Clutchable, inexpensive.

Ringley Natural Teething Toys

A favorite swaddling blanket 100% muslin, prewashed, large and stretchy so it won't come loose in the night. Breathable fabric to prevent over-heating.

This is not an exhaustive list, by far, but I don't think you'll be disappointed with any of these choices. And if you do not want to make a purchase, consider using one of your soft, cloth dinner napkins, tied with a knot in the middle.  Highly breathable, small enough to be safe in the crib and very clutchable by your baby.

 

Does your baby have a favorite item he/she uses for self-calming?  Drop us a comment!

 

 

 

 

 

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