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Ways to Play With Your Child Without Becoming The Playmate

Posted January 30, 2012

Most parents want to spend playful time with their child but  become uncomfortable when they've played so well that their child can't bear to have them leave.  Suddenly, the toys are boring if no adult is involved in the play.  If this sounds familiar, you may have slipped into the role of playmate and need help to get out.  This happened to me.  While I really enjoyed watching my child engaged in play, I prefered observing from a distance.  My eyes tend to glaze over if I am the playmate.  Yet, even back then,  mommy guilt would send be back in again.

We need to realize that many things we do with and for our child can be done in a playful manner, and it's quite possible that some of these things are more important for our kids than having us on the floor as their endless playmate. 

1. Look at books together.  Every time you read a book and share the pictures, your contribution to a child's well-being goes as high as the sky.  This counts as play!
2. Play together with sounds, words and noises through the day when you think of it.  Fingerplays, rhythms and songs are major motivators for language learning.  You hold the key.
3. Your child watches you do jobs around the house.  Soon they want to "help." This slows you down but this all counts as playing.  Playing at being a dad or a mom with responsibilities.  
4. Do playful diapering, dressing and bathing.  This constitutes playing with your child.  It works well...until they being to protest diaper changes!
5. Clean up things together.  Toys, newspapers, spilled stuff, etc.  This is called playing house.  "Oh, look.  We need to move these papers into the recycling box."
6. Based on your attentive observations of your child's interests, design the play environment to to be rich and vary it a bit, every few days.  Then, remove yourself so the real play can begin!
7. Introduce good things like puffed wheat in a small basin on the floor in your kitchen.  Measuring cups and other containers to allow "cooking" and...eating.
8. Instead of more toys, use your (playful) money to buy real things for your child such as small but real tools, children's metal gardening tools, small broom, tea set, dolls with clothes, water toys for the bath, costumes and hats and a real box of band-aids to play with.

Now, as faciitator of your child's play - you are in a position to rise above the guilt that comes in the form of a whine "Why can't you play?" 

You are the best parent ever!

 

 

(photo by Tom Clare)

 

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Filed under: Daily Routines, Play

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Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently—a NEW Raymond Seminar

Posted January 7, 2012

Teaching a child from an early age to play independently is to give them a life-long skill.  Play is a child's work and it paves the way to learning about the world. To be able to entertain oneself with one's own thoughts and ideas leads a child toward a rich inner life. Parents can start as early as 6-8 months but if you have an older child -- it's never to late to start! 

This January I'm presenting a new seminar entitled Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently.  I hope you'll join me. Here are the details:

Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently 

When: Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Where: First Church of the Nazarene, 65 Richard Way, SW

Time: 7:00 to 9:00 PM

Cost: $55.00 (introductory family fee)

Register Here

Additional January/February Seminars:

Sleep from Now On                             Tuesday, January 10, 2012    or Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sleep from the Start  (prenatal class)    Thursday, January 12, 2012  or Thursday, February 2, 2012

Setting Healthy Limits                          Tuesday, January 17, 2012   or Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently     Tuesday, January 24, 2012  or   email us for next date   

Toilet Learning the Easy Way                Tuesday, January 31, 2012   or Tuesday, March 20, 2012

 

Note:  If you miss one of our seminars or live outside of Calgary, the course content can be made available to you through a Telephone Counseling appointment.  This also gives Kitty the opportunity to tailor the information to suit your particular situation.

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Filed under: News from Kitty, Play

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Are You Trying to Get Your Toddler to Clean Up Her Toys?

Posted November 20, 2011

In recent years and for a variety of reasons, parents have grown increasing concerned about how and when to teach their toddlers to clean up their toys.  This may be because parents are raising children later in their careers so adult work ethic issues create higher expectations of toddlers or maybe it's because parents tend to buy more toys for their child than any previous parenting generation and they are being driven crazy by the clutter.

"How soon can I get him to start cleaning up his toys?" is a common question in parent's minds these days. My thoughts on this matter may surprise you.

The False Pursuit of a Tidy House

PIcking up after themselves is not a typical toddler activity.  Developmentally, because of their fantastic curiosity, getting things out is a healthy, much more appropriate interest. By puirsuing this interest in touching and handling things and seeing how they work, they are making themselves smart and providing just-right stimulation for their developing brain.

"But I thought that by starting early, I could get her in the habit of putting her things away after she has played with them,"  remarked a mother of a two-year old recently.  "No," I advised, "what you'll be doing is creating a discipline problem that could have been easily avoided and one with a very low success rate." I went on to explain that I believe parents are expecting too much of toddlers and may not be fully aware of how a toddler brain works and how they learn best (age 1-3 years). 

Toddlers Learn from Watching and Copying

If you want to get your toddler to use your cell phone, all you need to do is to be seen using it yourself, very often and with some animation.  Learning will happen quickly and easily. In fact, if you sit down to "teach" cell phone use to your toddler, she will likely wander away.  Toddlers are not ready to learn from being taught but they are ready to learn by watching.  For example, I predict your toddler loves to watch and "help" you sort laundry into separate piles.  I predict your toddler loves to watch and "help" you loading or unloading the dishwasher.  You may not recognize these interests as opportunities that lead to sorting activities you can do with your child and eventually...way down the road, will lead to them having interest in putting things (laundry, dishes, toys, etc.) into their proper piles or places.

Sorting Activities are Key

Research has long shown the positive benefit on a child's growing brain from sorting items into categories.  (And, as a child grows older, re-sorting items according to different characteristics).  So first sorting a button collection (supervision required) according to colors, and next sorting them by size (big or small or things that belong to daddy vs mommy or toys that belong to the dog vs toys belonging to the toddler, to name a few examples. 

Now, as you work through a 10-minute session of you putting toys and blocks and lego away, talk out loud about how you are sorting these items.  "OK, before we can read a book, we need to put all the toys in their right places for the night.  All the trucks and cars can go in this basket.  All the dolls can go in this basket and all the people can be in this little basket.  They can all have a good sleep.  Now, the lego pieces can live here and the blocks all go in this big, yellow basket. OK, is everyone in their right places?  Good.  Now we can read a book.)

Night after night one parent or the other can go through this routine of sorting different categories of (zoo animals, farm animals, dinosaurs, etc.,) into their baskets to sleep with their same-type mates.  At first your child will simply watch and I advise you not to demand "You need to help me."  It's really your job as a parent of a child this age to be responsible for creating a continually rich educational environment , which means grouping and re-grouping play props to afford your child the best opportunity to imagine he or she  plans to play with them the next morning or after their nap is over.  

But in the meantime, you are introducing a family routine which is easy for children to catch on to.  and as you model out loud how interested you are in completing this activity, soon they want to share in and copy a little of what you are doing.

In the meantime, you are also reinforcing the idea that before we can do one thing (book) we have to somethng else (tidy).

More sorting ideas

 

Raymond Parenting News

Seminars

Toilet Learning the Easy Way  November 22, 2011

Sleep from the Start (prenatal)  December 1 2011 or January 12, 2012

Sleep from Now On (12 lbs up)   January 10, 2012

Setting Healthy Limits (discipline)  January 17, 2012

Toilet Learning the Easy Way    January 24, 2012 (plus Nov. 22, 2011)

Register

Need help right now?  Telephone Counseling is available on all seminar topics

Got a question you need answered?  Email Counseling

Check for Kitty's parenting tips on Facebook

 

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Filed under: Daily Routines, Interesting Parenting Matters, Play

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