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What to Look for in a Dayhome

Posted February 2, 2011

Last week, I had the privelege of consulting with a couple who plan to open a dayhome on March 1.  The mom is going back to work and the dad will be staying home with his 1 year old son.  It  was wonderful to be able to put in all my 2 cents on how I'd like to see a dayhome to be organized.  I really enjoyed being asked and I've been invited to come up and take a look before they officially open.  If you are interested in exploring a  March placement in a unique setting, you may call 403-261-8872.  Speak with Tarl or Heather.  Their home is in the Springside/Wentworth area, quite near Waldorf School, SW. Along with his one-year old son, Tarl will accept 2 additional children, ages 1-4 years.  He will also consider before/after school care.

I thought I would share a few of my ideas on what could make a good dayhome:

• A separate place for each chlld to take a nap.  For 3 children, this means 3 cribs or playpens.  Naps (appropriate for age) are important for a child's day to go well.  It is tiring for a child to be with other children all day, so the naps are a chance to recharge batteries, restore curiosity and provide resilience to finish the day (maybe?without a melt-down.
• A caregiver with imagination, patience and a curiosity about each child in his/her care.  A person who observes what interests each child and who is willing to follow up on those observations with books from the library, activities and pretend play around topics like trucks, baby dolls, trains, ballet, dogs, cats, etc. 
• A supply of interesting toys and items to play with rather than a massive collection of every toy ever invented. 
• An interesting way to display these toys so children are inspired as they arrive or get up from a nap.
• An effort to tidy and rearrange items occasionally through the day to make the environment fresh.
• A caregiver who is confident but flexible about how she/he will handle discipline issues, separation anxiety, temper tantrums should they arise.
• A supply of hats, puzzles, dolls, trucks, balls, items to pretend with and a few cupboards to be safely explored.
• Basic, careful babyproofing, including an assortment of safety devices, as necessary.
• A low adult:child ratio  The fewer children, the better for your child.

This list is not exhaustive, but may help you in your evaluation.  Now, what if your child is already in a dayhome which you feel may not live up to "perfect."  Well, just as our own homes will not always (ever?) be perfectly clean, perfectly run or always have toys laid out in an interesting order, a child's basic need for a warm, interested caregiver and a reasonably rich environment can be met in a variety of settings.  Caregiver warmth and confidence and interest should leave you feeling satisfied with your choice.  If you do not feel your child has access to such a caregiver, then perhaps other choices can be made.

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Are We Expecting Too Much from Mothers?

Posted January 16, 2011

YES! I've long worried about this and have seen the toll first-hand in women who cry from guilt, lash out from sleep deprivation or call themselves failures because... motherhood is supposed to be a joy, but the babyis still crying...all the books have been read, the baby is being fed every 2 hours around the clock - as instructed by people who are in 'authority' - the breast pump is humming...but the family is a mess!

  According to her new book (controversial, of course!) "Is Breast Best? Taking on the Breastfeeding Experts and the New High Stakes of Motherhood," author Joan B . Wolf observes that in the world of parenting we've replaced "good enough" mothering with "total motherhood.

 

You may read an interview with Joan B. Wolf in the January 17, 2011 issue of MACLEAN'S.  You can order the book here.

I invite readers to post a comment here, telling me if you've read the article or the book and what you believe about what she has to say.  I've tangled with lactivists before online, so I'll only approve comments - on both sides - which are curteously written.

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It’s September 1st Already?

Posted September 1, 2010

I can remember how happy I was as a young mother, when September rolled around and school would start again.  Our summers were usually fine and fun but they involved lots of travel to visit with grandparents, with us wondering how our kids would sleep and how they would deal with higher expectations at the dinner table.  Then there were the taxing efforts on my part to show our relatives what perfect children we were raising.  And for me, all the adjustments that come with long, open-ended days. 

I longed for the return to regularity and predictabiity.  Once our trips were over and day camps finished, "we" could start back to school! I looked forward to getting my children's clothes ready for the year, in spite of the inevitable disagreements over how much of last year's wardrobe was still usable.  New lunchboxes and backpacks!  I even looked forward to the first newsletter of the year, telling parents about dates, deadlines and curriculum, etc.

I'm known as the planner in the family, for better or worse.  I'ts "for worse" for my husband and one of our daughters both of whom (in my opinion) prefer to be surprised by what the date is tomorrow, let alone have a discussion about what they'll be doing next week. My other daughter is not planning-averse, but will often tell me outright that she doesn't want to talk about that right now. At that point, I guess my only friend is my calendar.

The calendar does march on, however, even if I'm the only one watching.  We just returned from two weeks sailing here and there around Vancouver Island. I knew as I got off the plane last night that summer was over (and it wasn't just the weather). Routines begin again and I've turned all 3 of my calendars over to September. Suddenly, it's "back to work" for me, with 4 parenting seminars this month. 

I've packed this month so full partly because I took time off this summer, but also because - much to my surprise and pleasure - we'll be in Europe during the full month of October.  Well, not really to my surprise, since I've been working on this trip for nearly a year - books out of the library, online bookmarks, flats rented, ferries booked and Eurorail tickets purchased. Still, I'm surprised the time is now so near. 

So September is a very important month for you and me.  I want to be sure that during the month of September, you have easy access to all the parenting help and understanding you need in the areas of getting off to the best possible start in life with your newborn (Sept.2), ensuring that your older baby/child knows how to put him/herself to sleep for naps and at night and is capable of staying asleep for a lengthy period of time(Sept. 7), that those little discipline issues that have developed over the summer are addressed quickly and fairly (Sept. 14) and that you are aware of the appropriate developmental expectations with which to approach toilet training - slowly (Sept. 28). Register.

Just in case you can't make a seminar but really need the information, please book a Telephone Counseling Appointment for any Monday in September. You and I will talk about any of these topics --with particular reference to your situation with your child.  If you have just a short question, consider sending an Ask Kitty email question, any time in September.

During October, when I am away, I'll still be answering Ask Kitty email questions from wherever I am!  If you have a l o n g e r question or larger problem, all you need to do is purchase 2 questions.

I would love to hear from you about your summer-ending and what this time of year feels like for you.

Cheers,

Kitty Raymond

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