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Are We Overfeeding Toddlers?

Posted March 25, 2011

T.J., age 17 months, won't sit in his highchair.  "He hates his highchair!" his mother tells me.  "What's more, he refuses to eat, even when we let him sit in a booster chair at the table.  He won't let me use the safety belt but then he's up and down - constantly disrupting my husband and our 4 year old.  I don't know what to do!  Should I give him a time-out for this behavior?"

This mother's frustration is not unusual these days. I hear often about highchairs abandoned early in favor of booster seats...and the behavioral issues that sometimes follow.  I've made some observations of this situation and wonder if my readers will agree.

I've observed that the amount of food  toddlers are expected to eat each day has risen in recent years.  At the same time, parental concerns about "the picky eater" and high-chair aversion have also risen. I think there is a connection here.  I believe there is a tendency right now amongst parents to set up feeding routines that will actually prevent a child from ever becoming hungry.  Hunger prevention.  It's as if allowing a older baby or toddler to feel hunger pangs and clamber for food will reflect badly on the parent.  So children as young as 6.5 months are being fed solid food 3 times a day and from about one year on, many parents offer carefully designed snacks in between meals to "tide them over" to the next meal.

You might ask what's so bad about hunger prevention.  Well, for one thing, I wonder if this trend might be connected to the so-called obesity epidemic among older children?  I don't know.  Only time and research will tell.  I do know this, however:  It's important for a child to grow up with a good relationship with food.  To know when hunger hits and what to do about it.  To know when hunger has been fixed and that it's now time to stop eating. When a child who is not hungry is placed in a high chair (or booster seat) just because "it's time for dinner" - or kept there for one more bite -that highchair becomes the enemy.

On the other hand, when a child has been allowed to get hungry and indicate their hunger to the caregiver - and the highchair is the only place they receive food - the highchair could feel like the best seat in the house!

Hunger is the basic ingredient that enables a child to eat well, see herself as a good eater and develop a good relationship with food to carry into adulthood.

So yes, I think we may be overfeeding toddlers and perhaps babies and preschoolers, too.   Waking a baby every 2 hours for a feeding or offering between-meal snacks to three and four year olds every time they turn around - could act against a child's abiity to become self-regulated - perhaps inviting chronic "parent regulation."

The obsessional focus on the almighty growth-chart must be given some of the blame here as well.  Parents are trained early on to cheer or lament their child's spot on the chart.  This causes some parents to focus so hard on feeding "correctly" that they forget to consult the child. Are you hungry?  Do you want to eat?  What is your tummy telling you?  These are important questions to ask children every day.  (Even babies, once they are over 6 months, can participate in a "discussion" with you as you offer the breast or bottle.) They need to grow up knowing that they can gauge better than we - when they are hungry, and when they are full. 

I believe parents should take a step back and allow their chidren to take more control over their eating.  A parent is in charge of what food they bring into the house and make available to the child.  But that's it!  The child is in charge of noticing their own hunger, communicating that to someone and then deciding (privately) which foods to try, how much to eat and when to stop. And I think the highchair is the best place for all this to happen up until a child is mature enough to understand the privilege and responsibility that comes with moving to a booster chair.

I would like to hear your thoughts.

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Family Mealtimes - Pleasure or Disaster?

Posted March 18, 2010

Some parents of very young children wonder why the picture of the "family mealtime" looks so different at their house.  It seems the harder they try, the worse the outcome.  I've given this a lot of thought lately and I think I know what goes wrong.  See if you agree and drop me a comment if you have further thoughts on this.

From the age of about three years on, I think family mealtimes have merrit and are worth pursuing -- on the nights when the stars align.  On other nights, without guilt, you simply feed kids when they need to be fed with an eye toward bedtime, not worrying that you are letting anyone down by not sitting down as a family. Generally by the time children are 3,4 and 5 years they are able to understand both the pleasure and the expectations that come when the whole family eats together, when it is convenient. 

Children who are not yet three years will be more erratic in their ability to sit still, not interrupt, listen and wait their turn.  Children this age often need to go back and forth -coming for a bite then off to pick up a car and back for another bite.  When parents are stressed by this I usually try to remind them that this is developmentally appropriate and allowing some flexibility but not commenting or giving the child attention, makes for a calmer time around the table. 

 

 

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Why Aren’t Babies Sleeping?

Posted January 11, 2010

Why do so many babies have sleep problems?  This is a relatively recent phenomenon, in my opinion, and differs markedly from what I observed 10 or 15 years ago.  What's up?

 

  If I had to make an educated guess as to the cause of this wave of sleep disorders, I would put the blame straight on the backs of well-intentioned but overly zealous breastfeed acvocates.

  Many times parents, upon leaving the hospital with their baby, are made to sign papers testifying that they have been given advice on the benefits of breast-feeding and have heard instructions such as the following:

• Feed your baby every 2 hours around the clock
• Wake up your baby to feed if it is sleeping
• Answer all signs of infant stress/crying with the breast
• Your baby is too young to be sleep trained.
• Some babies don't need as much sleep
• It all depends on the baby
• Whenever your baby cries, she is calling for help.  You should answer every time or you might interfere with attachment.
• It is easier to have a secure attachment with a breast-fed baby than with a bottle-fed baby.
• Crying is harmful to attachment

Obviously, some parents are going to find it scary NOT to follow the above admonitions. What happens then is that very often, a baby who might well have been born to be a good sleeper is awakened so often she becomes conditioned to short sleeps and expects to be fed constantly. The people pushing breast-milk production (the reasonsometimes  given for the above rules) are not seeing the wider picture.  The overall health and well-being of a newborn depends on being fed  and getting good sleep. How the baby is fed should in no way override the baby's need for sleep and the encouragement of good sleep skills.

Let me be clear - breast-feeding is a very healthy way to feed a baby and carries obvious benefits.  But exclusive breast-feeding can be established and fit very nicely into a schedule and routine that is also designed around good sleep. 

Babies have not changed.  The mainstream, peer reviewed research on how much milk a newborn needs for good growth and development has not changed.  What has changed is that breast-feeding has become a "cause" to which many people and health regions are obsessively devoted.  Pre-natal class instructors, public health clinic nurses and some of the thousands of newly-minted breast-feeding consultants are on this band-wagon. And of course parenting books, authors, and marketers have happily joined in this campaign.

Things are out of balance for parents right now who are trying to do the best by their baby, look after good sleep and find a spot of harmony with which to carry on. When parents were allowed to make their own informed, educated choices about feeding their baby and follow their intuition towards good sleep, I didn't see this amount of anguish, confusion and stress.

Do you have an opinion on this?  Feel free to write your comments/stories, below. 

 

 

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