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Brushing Teeth

Posted March 1, 2009

Dear Kitty,

My son just turned one on Saturday, he has sixteen teeth already. We have a routine for brushing his teeth but he doesn't like it when I brush his teeth. He likes brushing his own teeth but as you can imagine, at one he doesn't do a proper job. I've tried several ways to make it a fun time, I've modeled brushing, given him a toothbrush to use, used children's toothpaste and tried singing songs but he still doesn't like it. When I try to put the toothbrush in his mouth he closes it tightly, cries and pushes my hand away. Should I get my husband to help restrain him while I get the toothbrush in his mouth or not worry about it since these are only his baby teeth? Since he got his teeth so early he doesn't understand reasoning (ie. If you don't brush your teeth, they will fall out and you won't be able to eat any food) but really should be getting his teeth clean. What do you suggest?

My feeling is that it's not worth it at this age to work too hard for the tooth brushing. Some magazine articles and some dental professionals may be quite concerned about early brushing, but in my opinion that approach is too obsessive. He is not yet old enough for us to be concerned with setting up good habits for the future.

I suggest that if he wants to brush his own teeth, let him do that and smile and respond positively and when he hands the brush back to you-- "done," you put it away. We need to allow him to playfully copy you when you brush, but then leave it at that.

Pieces of cheese to chew will clear the teeth nearly as well as brushing, so that's a good hint for when he has had anything sticky to eat like raisons.

Without any more power struggles now, you can plan to include brushing your teeth (modeling) as part of his bedtime routine. Make it look like fun and let him watch and eventually, with no pressure from you, he’ll probably want to pretend to be doing it too! Then you are on the way.

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Filed under: Discipline

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Nail Biting

Posted January 1, 2009

Dear Kitty,

My 3 year old daughter has started to bite her nails and has her fingers in her mouth. She does suck her thumb in bed. She use to put her fingers in her mouth when she seemed to be nervous, but now it is starting to be all the time. Do you have any suggestions?

This sounds like a tension-reducing habit which includes nail biting and fingers in her mouth. While it's a good idea to search around her daily life to see if she is being put into situations which raise some anxiety for her, it could also be that she is going through new development and she is dealing with some normal transition by comforting herself this way.

Certainly it’s a good idea to reduce any anxiety-inducing situations for her if you can identify them, but in any case, I think I would leave this alone for the time being. Bringing it to her attention or pulling her fingers out of her mouth will only result in more of the same, plus guilty feelings. I suggest you ignore it for now and see where it goes.

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Filed under: Discipline

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Throwing Food

Posted December 20, 2008

Dear Kitty,

My 20 month-old has a very frustrating habit of throwing his dish(es), cup, utensils, placemat etc. onto the floor as soon as he finishes eating (or during eating). I can't seem to find a solution to this. Anything I have said has not made a difference. I have tried positive reinforcement by really praising him if he hands me his things when he is finished (when prompted), but this doesn't seem to be working well enough. I would appreciate any suggestions - this makes an enormous mess and is driving me crazy!

I think you'll have better success if you stop reacting to the throwing of the utensils. When something goes down, you can simply assume his meal is over and without referring to the thrown object or even making any eye contact, get him down. No comment, no "look", no sighs, just get him down. Clean up the floor a few minutes later.

If he is still hungry, he'll protest the first time and begin to mend his ways after another time or two. If he convinces you he is still hungry, you may give him a 2nd chance after he's had some time to cry. If he isn't hungry any more, he's better off down anyway. Remember to 'not care' about how much he has eaten. When a parent worries about that they tend to leave the child too long, hoping for another bite, and the child is tempted to misbehave.

The most important thing is for both parents 'not to see' or care when the objects go down. Suddenly his whole reason for doing it (attention and reaction) will be absent. It may take a few days to improve.

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Filed under: Discipline, Feeding and Eating

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