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Aiming for Independent Play

Posted August 11, 2010

Are you constantly busy with your children, providing activities, driving them places, trying to stave off whining, boredom and temper tantrums?  If so, you may be exhausted!  When children are overly entertained and have not acquired the ability to play alone, they tend to become increasingly demanding and always look to the parent of caregiver to solve their boredom.

Teaching children from an early age to play independently is to give them a life-long skill.  To be able to entertain oneself with one's own thoughts and ideas leads a child toward a rich inner life.  A child who cannot play by herself must be constantly vigilant in an effort to cajole or whine her way toward finding a playmant, usually a parent or a caregiver.  Naturally, adults are the most interesting to play with because they are willing to lead the play and the child is often free to take a back seat.

Parents who want to encourage independent play for their child can begin early, by around 6-8 months.  Leave your baby sitting with a small basket of measuring spoons, plastic cups and suckable objects for 10-20 minutes at a time, 2-3 times a day. Now your child has the opportunity to relate to his toys without an adult directly present.  You may come back and forth occasionally, adding an item or idea; with a toddler, you might stop for a sip of pretend tea or give a kiss to a bear, but these interludes are brief and your child learns over time that the best ideas exist in his own head.

Sets of zoo animals, farm animals, play people, hats, containers, a little music and a tiny bowl of dry Cheerios, make the playtimes feel special.  For easy tidying, store each category of play props (toys) in individual baskets.

With this approach, you become the facilatator of your child's play, providing the props, the opportunity and the privacy without slipping into the rold of entertainer.  Regrouping the toys from time to time and interspersing these independent playtimes with story-reading, naps and mealtimes, means that by the end of the day you may even have enough energy left to entertain yourself - and admire your good parenting!

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Filed under: Daily Routines, Play

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Moving to a Bed (from a Crib)

Posted July 28, 2010

I'll sort of give you some background information.  I have 2 kids - J. is turning 3 at the end of July, and M. is 10 months old.  J. still sleeps in a crib, and uses a pacifier only for nap time and bedtime in her crib only.  (On top of that she's not toilet trained - but that's a whole other story!)  We've had her "big girl bed" in her room for the last year since her sister was born...just to read books in it so she'd get comfortable with it, but have never pushed her to sleep in it.  A few weeks ago she wanted to start sleeping with a blanket instead of her sleep sack, and tonight for the first time she asked for a pillow.  Both of which we did when she asked.Tonight for the first night, she asked to sleep in her big girl bed. We're happy to put her in if she is asking because in my mind it means she's ready (we just need to put the rail on), but I have a need to know a few things before we do that.
 
We're moving sometime in the next month.  And I'd really like to get rid of the pacifier (it's ruining her teeth - and she doesn't even use it to sleep at daycare - I'm just afraid to take it away).  And I'm worried that in her big girl bed she'll lose them and call us when she can't find them...and not have a restful sleep.  So what order do we do things in?  Or do we take away the pacifier and put her in the big girl bed at once?  I know you say to take the pacifier away cold turkey...but what do we tell her?  And should she be involved in the process of getting rid of them?  I don't think she'd be very happy about that!  And do you believe that kids are ready for a big girl bed when they start asking?  And is this not a good time because we're moving - or better to do it now rather than all at once?
 
Thanks in advance for your response - I have always valued your advice!

Kitty answers:

This is absolutely the way/time I like the transition to a big bed to happen.  By waiting until age 3 (+-) it gives the child time to become interested and curious about the transition and feel in charge of it.  Her timing is good and I see no big reason to make her work around the moving time.  So my advice is to follow her lead.  Two important things:

• Let her know that in order to keep her safe and for you to know where she is, only parents will be in charge of when her door closes or opens.  I suggest you find a method you are comfortable with (white door-knob cover? hook and eye lock on outside?) so you can stay 100% in control of where she is, just as if you have turned her whole room into one large crib. (I would leave the crib up for a week or so, just in case she needs to make a few trial runs...)
• I suggest you leave the soother in place, for now.  After the move and once she is a good sleeper in her new bed (glitches do arise, occasionally, even at this age), it will then be a good time to take the soother away.  To do that, you can tell her "Tonight is the night you will be able to fall asleep without the soother, just like you do at daycare.  (warning her ahead only creates anxiety)  If she tries to talk you out of it, let her know it's OK if she needs to cry because crying will help her get to sleep faster."  Then, you just do it.  Give her something new to suck on (she probably won't use it) and tell her you know she can do it. In the meantime, you can let her know that if she loses her soothers in her big bed, she can get out of bed and look for it.  Let her know that her soothers are up to her, now.  (put an extra in a box on a shelf and let her know the location?)
• Generally, I do not recommend a child participates in the "loss" of soothers.  When/why they go should be an adult decision, and if you can avoid feeling sorry for her (hard!) she'll feel more confident in the long run.

Good questions, and thank you for writing.

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Filed under: Sleep

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NEW…  Kitty’s Sleep Programs Now On Video!

Posted June 22, 2010

I am pleased to announce that parents are now able to purchase and download a condensed version of each of my Sleep Seminars.  These have been created to address some long-standing requests from out-of-towners who can't make a Calgary seminar; I think these videos will also be helpful to Calgary parents who find it difficult to attend a seminar together or on a specific date.

It is important to remember that both videos are condensed and, while all the basic information is there, the material is presented in summary form and you will not have the benefit of the Q&A session, as contained in the "live" seminar.  I will be continuing to offer the "live" sleep seminars, though less frequently over the summer months.

When you purchase a video, you'll receive download instructions in your email box.  Please read instructions carefully and note the time limits that apply to these downloads. 

Questions?  Please write to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or send a COMMENT.

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