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Those Pesky Naps - so hard to solve!

Posted September 23, 2010

Overnight sleep becomes easier for many babies and children in the fall because the days shorten and the dark comes earlier.  Naps, on the other hand, can be difficult for some babies and toddlers all year long.  Research has been unable to determind why some young children sleep easily in the day for 2-3 hours at a time while others have to work hard to get to sleep in the first place -- and then wake up angry after 45 minutes, seemingly unable to return to sleep and finish off a good nap.

Naturally, I hear more often from parents whose babies resist napping than from parents whose babies slumber easily throughout the day.  And of course we must admit that sometimes it is a lifestyle issue in that during the first year many mothers do not wish to feel "homebound."  To be fair, though, I've worked with several parents lately who have spend seemingly endless days at home trying to help their baby learn the art of good daytime sleep.

Here are some of the general guidelines you may consider as you do nap-work with your own child.  Remember all the while, though, that YOU know your baby best and you never want to lose track of your own intuition in favor of mine or anyone elses sleep advice.  You make decisions that fit for your family; if you feel your are not successful, then you can make new decisions and experiment with those.  You are the person on the ground, so to speak, and you'll know - through careful observation - whether the changes you make are helping your child and your family - or not.

• A nap of 1.5 hours of continuous sleep is sufficient for some babies to wake up refreshed, able to stay awake to feed and remain happy through a short playtime. For some, it takes being in bed for 2 hours before they can master getting to sleep and staying asleep for 1.5 hours.  This is why I recommend naps last approximately 2 hours.  Also, I like the caregiver to have a dependable break.
• A nap of 2-3 hours is easy for some babies, once they've designed their self-calming strategies.
• Extra crying and restlessness at bedtime or throughout the night is most often a sign of inadequate daytime sleep.  Good daytime sleep begets good - and longer - night sleep.
• Babies will nap much better if the room is cool, about 18'.
• If a baby is waking inappropriately for feeding during the night (over 12 lbs.), this can create problems during naptimes, as well. It's time to stop night feeds.
  
• Schedules will vary a bit during the day if your baby sleeps on unexpectedly  at some point.  Try to make adjustments accordingly rather than wake the baby up just to stay on schedule.
  
• It never pays to keep a baby awake who is showing you she is tired.  Put her to bed earlier and adjust your schedule expectations.
• Often babies who go to bed earlier...will sleep later in the morning.  The reverse of this usually seems more logical to parents, but is untrue.

I'm available for one last Monday of Telephone Counseling on September 27.   Appointments resume on November 8.

If you have continuing problems helping your child become a good sleeper, there will be a Sleep from Now On seminar held on Tuesday, November 9, 2010.

If you have immediate questions regarding your child's sleep habits, please purchase an email question (Ask Kitty) from the store at http://www.raymondparenting.com  Through October, I'll be able to answer your questions within about 3-5 days.  When writing a question, be sure to include your child's age.  If your question requires you to give me a lot of detailed information, it is appreciated if you purchase two email questions to cover it.  Thank you.

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Filed under: Sleep

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It’s September 1st Already?

Posted September 1, 2010

I can remember how happy I was as a young mother, when September rolled around and school would start again.  Our summers were usually fine and fun but they involved lots of travel to visit with grandparents, with us wondering how our kids would sleep and how they would deal with higher expectations at the dinner table.  Then there were the taxing efforts on my part to show our relatives what perfect children we were raising.  And for me, all the adjustments that come with long, open-ended days. 

I longed for the return to regularity and predictabiity.  Once our trips were over and day camps finished, "we" could start back to school! I looked forward to getting my children's clothes ready for the year, in spite of the inevitable disagreements over how much of last year's wardrobe was still usable.  New lunchboxes and backpacks!  I even looked forward to the first newsletter of the year, telling parents about dates, deadlines and curriculum, etc.

I'm known as the planner in the family, for better or worse.  I'ts "for worse" for my husband and one of our daughters both of whom (in my opinion) prefer to be surprised by what the date is tomorrow, let alone have a discussion about what they'll be doing next week. My other daughter is not planning-averse, but will often tell me outright that she doesn't want to talk about that right now. At that point, I guess my only friend is my calendar.

The calendar does march on, however, even if I'm the only one watching.  We just returned from two weeks sailing here and there around Vancouver Island. I knew as I got off the plane last night that summer was over (and it wasn't just the weather). Routines begin again and I've turned all 3 of my calendars over to September. Suddenly, it's "back to work" for me, with 4 parenting seminars this month. 

I've packed this month so full partly because I took time off this summer, but also because - much to my surprise and pleasure - we'll be in Europe during the full month of October.  Well, not really to my surprise, since I've been working on this trip for nearly a year - books out of the library, online bookmarks, flats rented, ferries booked and Eurorail tickets purchased. Still, I'm surprised the time is now so near. 

So September is a very important month for you and me.  I want to be sure that during the month of September, you have easy access to all the parenting help and understanding you need in the areas of getting off to the best possible start in life with your newborn (Sept.2), ensuring that your older baby/child knows how to put him/herself to sleep for naps and at night and is capable of staying asleep for a lengthy period of time(Sept. 7), that those little discipline issues that have developed over the summer are addressed quickly and fairly (Sept. 14) and that you are aware of the appropriate developmental expectations with which to approach toilet training - slowly (Sept. 28). Register.

Just in case you can't make a seminar but really need the information, please book a Telephone Counseling Appointment for any Monday in September. You and I will talk about any of these topics --with particular reference to your situation with your child.  If you have just a short question, consider sending an Ask Kitty email question, any time in September.

During October, when I am away, I'll still be answering Ask Kitty email questions from wherever I am!  If you have a l o n g e r question or larger problem, all you need to do is purchase 2 questions.

I would love to hear from you about your summer-ending and what this time of year feels like for you.

Cheers,

Kitty Raymond

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Filed under: Interesting Parenting Matters

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Aiming for Independent Play

Posted August 11, 2010

Are you constantly busy with your children, providing activities, driving them places, trying to stave off whining, boredom and temper tantrums?  If so, you may be exhausted!  When children are overly entertained and have not acquired the ability to play alone, they tend to become increasingly demanding and always look to the parent of caregiver to solve their boredom.

Teaching children from an early age to play independently is to give them a life-long skill.  To be able to entertain oneself with one's own thoughts and ideas leads a child toward a rich inner life.  A child who cannot play by herself must be constantly vigilant in an effort to cajole or whine her way toward finding a playmant, usually a parent or a caregiver.  Naturally, adults are the most interesting to play with because they are willing to lead the play and the child is often free to take a back seat.

Parents who want to encourage independent play for their child can begin early, by around 6-8 months.  Leave your baby sitting with a small basket of measuring spoons, plastic cups and suckable objects for 10-20 minutes at a time, 2-3 times a day. Now your child has the opportunity to relate to his toys without an adult directly present.  You may come back and forth occasionally, adding an item or idea; with a toddler, you might stop for a sip of pretend tea or give a kiss to a bear, but these interludes are brief and your child learns over time that the best ideas exist in his own head.

Sets of zoo animals, farm animals, play people, hats, containers, a little music and a tiny bowl of dry Cheerios, make the playtimes feel special.  For easy tidying, store each category of play props (toys) in individual baskets.

With this approach, you become the facilatator of your child's play, providing the props, the opportunity and the privacy without slipping into the rold of entertainer.  Regrouping the toys from time to time and interspersing these independent playtimes with story-reading, naps and mealtimes, means that by the end of the day you may even have enough energy left to entertain yourself - and admire your good parenting!

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Filed under: Daily Routines, Play

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