Raymond Parenting

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Moving to a Bed (from a Crib)

Posted July 28, 2010

I'll sort of give you some background information.  I have 2 kids - J. is turning 3 at the end of July, and M. is 10 months old.  J. still sleeps in a crib, and uses a pacifier only for nap time and bedtime in her crib only.  (On top of that she's not toilet trained - but that's a whole other story!)  We've had her "big girl bed" in her room for the last year since her sister was born...just to read books in it so she'd get comfortable with it, but have never pushed her to sleep in it.  A few weeks ago she wanted to start sleeping with a blanket instead of her sleep sack, and tonight for the first time she asked for a pillow.  Both of which we did when she asked.Tonight for the first night, she asked to sleep in her big girl bed. We're happy to put her in if she is asking because in my mind it means she's ready (we just need to put the rail on), but I have a need to know a few things before we do that.
 
We're moving sometime in the next month.  And I'd really like to get rid of the pacifier (it's ruining her teeth - and she doesn't even use it to sleep at daycare - I'm just afraid to take it away).  And I'm worried that in her big girl bed she'll lose them and call us when she can't find them...and not have a restful sleep.  So what order do we do things in?  Or do we take away the pacifier and put her in the big girl bed at once?  I know you say to take the pacifier away cold turkey...but what do we tell her?  And should she be involved in the process of getting rid of them?  I don't think she'd be very happy about that!  And do you believe that kids are ready for a big girl bed when they start asking?  And is this not a good time because we're moving - or better to do it now rather than all at once?
 
Thanks in advance for your response - I have always valued your advice!

Kitty answers:

This is absolutely the way/time I like the transition to a big bed to happen.  By waiting until age 3 (+-) it gives the child time to become interested and curious about the transition and feel in charge of it.  Her timing is good and I see no big reason to make her work around the moving time.  So my advice is to follow her lead.  Two important things:

• Let her know that in order to keep her safe and for you to know where she is, only parents will be in charge of when her door closes or opens.  I suggest you find a method you are comfortable with (white door-knob cover? hook and eye lock on outside?) so you can stay 100% in control of where she is, just as if you have turned her whole room into one large crib. (I would leave the crib up for a week or so, just in case she needs to make a few trial runs...)
• I suggest you leave the soother in place, for now.  After the move and once she is a good sleeper in her new bed (glitches do arise, occasionally, even at this age), it will then be a good time to take the soother away.  To do that, you can tell her "Tonight is the night you will be able to fall asleep without the soother, just like you do at daycare.  (warning her ahead only creates anxiety)  If she tries to talk you out of it, let her know it's OK if she needs to cry because crying will help her get to sleep faster."  Then, you just do it.  Give her something new to suck on (she probably won't use it) and tell her you know she can do it. In the meantime, you can let her know that if she loses her soothers in her big bed, she can get out of bed and look for it.  Let her know that her soothers are up to her, now.  (put an extra in a box on a shelf and let her know the location?)
• Generally, I do not recommend a child participates in the "loss" of soothers.  When/why they go should be an adult decision, and if you can avoid feeling sorry for her (hard!) she'll feel more confident in the long run.

Good questions, and thank you for writing.

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