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Developmental Changes and Good Sleep

Posted January 10, 2009

Dear Kitty,

We did the sleep training with our now 21 month old at around 11 months. He has occasionally relapsed slightly from his good sleeping (after being away from home, or after being sick), but this time it has seemingly lasted longer. The issue isn't as much when he goes to sleep (although there are times he won't calm after quite some time), but more with night wakings. What used to be a 5min fussing and back to sleep has become a 45+ minute bawl session. We have therefore, resorted back to going in, rocking him (sometimes completely back to sleep) and laying him in his crib. Last night I went in after 15 minutes or so of screaming, calmed him down (without picking him up) and then told him to lay down in a firm but gentle voice. When he finally did, I rubbed his back a couple times then left the room. He of course began to cry, but within 10 minutes or so was sleeping. He later woke at 6:30ish and went back on his own in his regular manner and again at 8am. Are we doing the right thing? Should be simply not go in at all no matter what? Could be be experiencing nightmares at this age?
 
Rather than nightmares I am quite sure he is "suffering" from new brain development.  It could be in any area - physical, emotional, verbal, etc.  Other than travel or sickness, this is the most common reason for previously good sleep patterns to go off the tracks.  It usually starts small, parents respond a bit, child learns there is something to work for and -as in your case - parents try to figure out what is wrong, end up helping and a new pattern is launched.   And because he is bigger, stronger and smarter- the crying is louder and can last longer and sound more demanding.

So it is important that you now choose when night #1 will be and sleep train as carefully and completely as you did when he was 11 months. My guess is it will still only take 3 nights once he is getting a clear, consistent message from you.

So at 21 months, he should (ideally) be in bed for no less than 12 hours each night and go into bed fully awake, with no help to fall asleep.  Resist responding at all overnight.  His nap should be from approximately 12:30 PM to 3:00 PM.  No help to fall asleep and if he wakes up early he still doesn't come out until 3 PM.

Good luck getting your good sleeper back!

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Filed under: Sleep

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Nail Biting

Posted January 1, 2009

Dear Kitty,

My 3 year old daughter has started to bite her nails and has her fingers in her mouth. She does suck her thumb in bed. She use to put her fingers in her mouth when she seemed to be nervous, but now it is starting to be all the time. Do you have any suggestions?

This sounds like a tension-reducing habit which includes nail biting and fingers in her mouth. While it's a good idea to search around her daily life to see if she is being put into situations which raise some anxiety for her, it could also be that she is going through new development and she is dealing with some normal transition by comforting herself this way.

Certainly it’s a good idea to reduce any anxiety-inducing situations for her if you can identify them, but in any case, I think I would leave this alone for the time being. Bringing it to her attention or pulling her fingers out of her mouth will only result in more of the same, plus guilty feelings. I suggest you ignore it for now and see where it goes.

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Filed under: Discipline

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