Posted July 15, 2014
(Published in Huffington Post Living, July 15, 2014)
"My oldest son wasn't a natural sleeper. I had been taught in my pediatric residency that newborns should sleep 18-22 hours a day. As I had planned on studying for my pediatric board exams throughout my brief maternity leave, I was counting on this dedicated sleep time while I could focus on my studying. He turned out to be a pitiful sleeper, requiring my constant rocking and feeding to get him to sleep, only to wake right back up when I lay him down. Thus began the constant cycle of feeding him in a carrier and pacing around my apartment with a stack of cue cards to keep him asleep while I tried desperately to study. So much for a relaxing and fruitful maternity leave.
When he turned four months old I was at my wit's end. I was exhausted and stressed that I wasn't accomplishing much on the studying front. I read five different parenting books to ascertain the best method of sleep training and dove in. One week I tried the classic Ferber method -- soothing him every five minutes in increasing duration. This failed pitifully, as every time I left the room he lost his mind. Next, the Pick Up-Put Down method -- even harder, as it seemed to be a huge tease for him. I tried the Shush-Pat method, where I stood over him and pat him back to sooth him to sleep. He thought I must have been kidding and wailed for hours.
On the verge of having a mental breakdown (truly), at my husband's suggestion I tried the dreaded Cry-It-Out Method. This was truly a last resort for me. It didn't make me comfortable. To this day I cannot stand hearing my kids cry and usually rush in to "save them" within moments of crying unless my husband holds me back. But he insisted and the sleep training needed to be done. I was going back to work in one short month and was exhausted. I started resenting my son and I wasn't enjoying our one-on-one time together as I had dreamed.
And so began our new bedtime routine with bath and stories, feeding and putting him down with soft white noise in his room. For three nights we put him down, on his own in his crib by 7 p.m. and left him in his crib till 7 a.m. save for a brief dream feed, preempting crying by sneaking into his room and feeding without waiting for him to cry.
The first night he cried three hours. Three hours! I thought my heart would stop. I left the house, literally. I went to stay at a friend's house and pumped there. My husband offered a dream feed of pumped milk. The second night was a huge improvement, at a mere one hour and 45 min of crying. The third night -- 2 minutes of crying! It was a huge success and has lasted till this day with only a few bumps in the road with illnesses and teething. It was horrible, the hardest part of parenting I've endured so far in my four years as a mom, but it was a means to an end.
Since this time we have sleep trained my younger son in exactly the same way -- with cry-it-out. The longest he cried was almost three hours. Lessening to an hour the second night and no crying the third night. I plan to train my next son the same way once he is four months old next April. I have suggested the same training method to over 1,000 parents so far in my practice, with the same results in 100 per cent of cases -- 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep for babies and parents. Two babies failed to train successfully in the first month, and after one week we resigned to trying again the following month. One month later these babies trained in two nights. Perhaps they weren't ready yet the first time, but it worked magically the second time around.
I have heard much controversy about the Cry-It-Out Method over the years. Mostly I hear that leaving your baby to cry leads to psychological damage for life. While I understand this argument and this makes theoretical sense to me, I have not noticed this to be the case. Once my kids (and countless others) are sleep trained, I find them happier and more relaxed. Parents uniformly tell me that their child changed dramatically for the better once they were sleeping through the night. Not to mention how much happier and more at ease parents are when they too can sleep. A well-rested parent is a more engaged parent, who is much better able to parent with love and patience. This is of obvious benefit to the child.
There is evidence that babies benefit greatly from predictable routines and long stretches of consolidated sleep. Emotional intelligence and cognition are enhanced (despite these first few hard nights). Babies are happier, more alert and more engaged if sleeping well. In addition, learning to sooth oneself is a life skill that will last a lifetime. I find that waiting till the baby is older leads to more difficulty with sleep training, as then the baby is more mobile and verbal. Hearing your baby call 'mama, dada', only makes this more difficult.
If you are a parent and in the uncomfortable situation of having a baby who is not interested in sleeping long periods at night, I suggest speaking to your physician about the options, including Cry-It-Out. I promise, you will not regret it!"
Filed under: Sleep and sleep training
Posted April 24, 2014
At last, research on sleep disorders in infants and children is gaining the attention it deserves. For the past 30 years problems with sleep for the youngest of the population, have been on the increase. Primarily the two sleep disorders which accurately describe pediatric sleep issues that are precursurs to insomnia are 1) night wakenings and 2) sleep onset problems.
Among the factors often associated with pediatric sleep issues (birth weight under 2500 grams, low Apgar score, long delivery, etc.) some parental characteristics are appearing to be a major influence in a child's ability to master good sleep. Following is a direct quote from the research of Dr. Evelyn Touchette. This article, titled "Factors Associated with Sleep Problems in Early Childhood", appeared in the most recent Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Development publication:
"Parent characteristics also influence the establishment of consolidated sleep insofar as they are associated with certain bedtime habits or practices. Anxious, over-protective or depressive mothers, or mothers who experienced insecurity in their attachment history, are more likely to have children with sleep problems compared to other mothers. For example, studies have shown that depression in mothers affects children's sleep consolidation. This relationahip may be attributable to a modification of maternal behaviors (over-protection) hindering the child's learning of independent sleep habits. Maternal age and education however, show little effect on sleep consolidation in children aged 0 to 4 years. Mothers who work outside the home reported that their children's sleep is more fragmented than that of children whose mothers are at home. However, family structure seems to have little effect on the development of a consolidated sleep-wake rhythm in young children."
In my monthly Sleep Class and in my work with parents by telephone, I sometimes find a definitive range of reactions when I've finished talking about the extinction method of sleep training (ranks highest in research for good outcome). Some women respond with words like "OK. I got it. Thanks." or "That's what I thought, I just needed to know it was OK." Many dads respond the same way. After asking a few questions about details, they are ready to go.
But some mothers begin to tear up at the thought of their baby going to bed awake and without help, to fall asleep. I can clearly see the pain on their faces and in their hearts and I understand how difficult sleep training will be for them. And of course (according to my observation) women do not tend to sleep as deeply or easily as men do (!!) so it's more likely to be the mom who has had the monitor on her side of the bed and wakes up often to check. I was one of those moms and if you'd asked me, I'd have answered "Well someone has to be on duty and it won't be my husband!"
And that is a major point. Its almost as if a baby can sense that both his parents are not feeling the same amount of confidence in his ability to do his normal protesting (crying) as he learns over the next three nights how to design and practice his self-calming skills. Maybe he isn't getting the unquestioned leadership he needs to see himself through this new learning. Or, he gets mixed messages about the new plan.
I want to talk to dads and moms who are already sure of themselves but just don't know the mechanics of sleep training and what to expect as they proceed. And I want to speak with parents who feel that their own anxiety or attachment issues or doubts of any kind might interfere with their baby or toddler's ability to learn good sleep skills. I can help identify post-partum depression, in case it exists, and together we can work through some of the issues that might be holding parents back from accomplishing this major parenting responsibility.
Filed under: Sleep and sleep training
Posted November 25, 2013
It's all around town at the moment that many four-month old babies are experiencing sleep regression. This term is being used to describe a baby who slept well (perhaps 6-hours at a time or even all night) until about 3 or 4 months of age - and then sleep began to deteriorate and some babies are up every 1-2 hours all night long!
Is this an inevitable phase parents just have to live through? Absolutely not. This so-called phase is triggered when parents of a 3-4 month old baby haven't realized the importance of discontinuing all night feedings. Through misinformation coupled with worries about a possible growth spurt, parents are not realizing that a baby who weighs 12 lbs. or above does not need and should not have any food going into the tummy overnight. A baby doesn't need the milk for nutrition in the night because she is strong enough now to take in all she needs during the day only. Continuing with night feedings past 12 lbs. actually disturbs your baby's sleep.
Also at the age of 3-4 months, brain development is progressing rapidly, particularly creating great interest in socializing. Your over 12 lb. baby can now predict your availability during the night and develop a habit of calling out which has nothing anymore to do with nutritional need.
By the same token, once you take steps to limit your baby's expectations of your company and the milk that comes with you, your baby will teach himself - miraculously, some say - to sleep the whole night through (11 hours!).
If you need help in knowing how to take these very important steps with your over 12 lb. baby, meet with me on Tuesday, December 3 for two hours. It could change your life!
Our 9 week old son had been a horrible sleeper, and we were at our wits end. After attending Raymond Parenting “Sleep Class”, his sleeping patterns have changed dramatically. After only one day, he was sleeping through the night, and was having regular naps. He has become a more independent baby, without needing to be carried around to fall asleep. We went from a 4 hour routine to get him to go to sleep… to putting him in his bed, and now he falls asleep in 5 minutes. What a difference!!
Attending the “Sleep ” seminar was the best decision we made in planning for our new baby. We implemented the tips and strategies from day one and our 7 week old daughter falls asleep on her own without any crying. She is on a great routine with 2-3 hour naps during the day. As a result my husband and I have a healthy, happy relationship and our two year old enjoys her new baby sister as much as we do. Thank you Kitty!
Posted November 9, 2013
Some health professionals in Alberta (Canada? US?) advise new parents to wait until their baby is six months old before helping them learn self-calming skills. That is too long to wait. Too long for babies and too long for parents.
Babies are born with abilities to learn self calming. A very young baby of 2 weeks or less will try to suck on it's fist every time it flies by! When given a chance to practice she gradually learns how to get that flying fist to stay put where she wants it - in or near her mouth. Some fetuses are filmed with their thumb already placed firmly in the mouth. In fact studies done on how babies grow in utero have shown babies sucking as early as 15 weeks into the pregnancy. The sucking reflex is strong and it is instinctive.
If babies are born capable of putting their thumb in their mouth and gain satisfaction and a sense of calm from sucking, why aren't new parents advised to encourage this instinctive behavior. Putting a newborn baby into bed - awake - several times each day and leaving it free to self-calm to sleep makes great sense to me. I fear that parents are made to feel so worried that if their baby ever cries or fusses long enough to practice self-calming, it will affect the attachment process or cause emotional problems later in life. It won't. It doesn't. This unfair fearmongering by some health professionals results in parents rushing to pick up a fussy baby way too fast, ruining baby's chance to show what he could do for himself.
I'm also aware that professionals who lobby for exclusive and long-term breastfeeding are instructing mothers to offer the breast every time the baby fusses, whether it's time for a feeding or not. In fact, believe it is for reasons of breastfeeding promotion that parents are told to wait six months before helping your baby learn good sleep skills. It is feared somehow that breastfeeding will diminish if the breast isn't offered every hour or so. Personally, I did not find this to be true nor do parents report this to me.
The unfortunate result of this teaching is that babies can only become calm or get to sleep by sucking on the breast, whether they need a feeding or not. The self-calming reflexive instincts that were present before and at birth do not get reinforced and soon the baby needs to have the breast every time it needs to get to sleep and back to sleep, sometimes all night long.
It is my observation that this one-sided advice to put off helping a baby learn to self-calm, is wearing parents out. Families are exhausted and babies become sleep-deprived when they wait six months to begin to get proper sleep. The chance of post partum depression increases. Babies wake up cranky, may smile less and - lets face it - can be just a little harder to fall head over heals in love with, perhaps affecting the attachment process adversely.
Babies require uninterrupted (excepted for essential feedings) sleep in order to wake up refreshed. A refreshed baby shows curiosity during non-nap times. This essential curiosity spurs their brain development by allowing them to looking around, engage with you and respond back to your overtures. They require good sleep to be curious. It's never too late to do sleep-learning and...i'ts never too early to encourage self-calming skills.
Sleep Class by Kitty Raymond (prenatal to one year) addresses all these sleep issues. Helping your baby extend self-calming capabiities from birth on and learning to get themselves to sleep in the process. Kitty also teaches how to protect feeding times to support exclusive breastfeeding, breast & bottle combo feeding or formula feeding. She also teaches parents of older babies to one year, the art of helping their baby learn to self-calm to sleep and back to sleep in case of accidental wakeups. Your goal will be to protect and or restore harmony in your family so parenting can become a pleasure.
Here's a link to just one of hundreds of well-written blogs about the highs and lows of breastfeeding.
Please forward this Sleep Class information to friends you believe would be interested in attending.
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