Toddler Discipline - This May Surprise You.

Blog » Toddler Discipline - This May Surprise You.

Toddler Discipline - This May Surprise You.

Posted July 24, 2011

Gwennie is 22 months old and has just slapped her mom in the face - after having reached her arms up to be picked up. What should her mom do now? Would Gwennie's mom quickly get down to her child's eye level and have a "word" with her about how hitting is not polite, it hurts, and we don't hit. (hmm...this would actually be giving Gwennie attention over her misbehavior. Smart Gwennie might soon figure out that when she wants attention again, hitting works!)

My suggestion would be very different. See if you agree.

Let's take the same scenario: Gwennie reaches up to her mom to be picked up. Her mom complies and Gwennie slaps mom's face. Instantly, mom places Gwennie on the floor, says "No hurting!" and turns away or walks into another room. Gwennie will likely cry because she was startled by her mom's reaction and hitting mom wasn't fun like it used to be. But mom isn't mad, she isn't over-talking or lecturing. Mom knows that any lecturing or explaining will be interpreted as attention by a child this age. Also, mom has moved very quickly (startlingly fast!) because she has had this strategy planned in her mind, ever since the last time it happened.

Children under age three will test us repeatedly to see if they get a reaction. The longest, most eloquent lecture from a parent or caregiver - only serves to reassure the child this age that, indeed, they have found an electrically charged button to push. Being toddlers, they are programmed to keep on pushing the buttons we offer them - until they don't work any more. Then they will stop.

Only by withdrawing our attention - very obviously and very quickly - does a child NOT get a reaction worth repeating.

How will Gwennie's mom know if this is working? Next time she picks Gwennie up, we'll see if she remembers on her own, not to slap. If she does slap again, her mom should repeat the above non-reaction. Soon, upon being picked up by mom, Gwennie might even tell herself "no hitting" to verify her assumption and get to stay up in her mom's arms.

Of course now, it's Gwennie's job to start testing Dad, and Grandma to see if they know about this new rule! Let's hope they do!

Raymond Parenting on Facebook - more parenting ideas, inspiration.

Seminars coming right up!

Discipline - "Setting Healthy Limits for Kids Age 1-4 Years Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Raymond Parenting

Blog » Toddler Discipline - This May Surprise You.