Raymond Parenting

I was an only child as well.  I was very good friends with a pair of sisters and a pair of brothers.  I did actually feel that I wanted a brother or sister too.  I remember being bored and believing that if I had a brother or sister that I would always have someone to play with on rainy days.

In my adult life I often wonder if being an only child actually gave me this ability and desire to have time to myself.  How much of my introversion has to do with being an only child I wonder on occasion.  Either way, I’m happy to be able to be alone sometimes.

It did play a part in our decision to have a second child and I’m very curious to watch the dynamic between my two boys as they grow up together!

Tanya C

By Tanya C on October 13, 2011

Many times growing up I wished I was an only child. My good friend was an only and there were plenty of times she had nicer this and that than me and I envied her for it. She never seemed to mind being an only - she had, and still has, a lot of friends and family around her. And she is very self-sufficient. She is married now and they have an only of their own. It’s neat to see her with him. I know she does not feel the need to make up for him being on his own and she does a great job of involving him in the lives of his cousins, grandparents and friends, the way her mom did.

Thank you for writing about your interesting, thoughtful observations.
Kitty

By Shannon on October 16, 2011

I am technically an only child, although I grew up with a stepbrother because my parents divorced when I was just 2 years old and my mother remarried a man with a son.  However, they too divorced when I was a teenager and I have been estranged from my stepbrother since then.  As an “adult only child,” I definitely feel the pressure of caring for my aging parents.  It would be nice to have a true sibling to help me with that side of things in the future.  Being an only child played a part in my decision to have 2 kids of my own.

Victoria, thank you for writing in.  Your story illustrates something I forgot to mention: that family dynamics will inevitably determine an individual’s experience - whether they are a single child or one of five.  In addition, as an only child myself, I can relate to being the sole support of aging parents.  However, I comforted myself with stories I heard from a few of my peers, describing that sometimes no matter who one’s sibling are - they do not always participate equally in the care or decisions around the parents.
-Kitty

By Victoria on November 2, 2011

Thank you for this post Kitty.  It is a huge relief to be reassured that by having one child we are not depriving our daughter of anything.  I have worried a bit about this because another child is perhaps a real long shot for us.  (Our daughter arrived against all odds as it is!) I am determined not to feel sad for her though.  Of course there are perks to being an only child - for parents too! Family is what you make it.

I am the youngest of 7 children (!) but I am the youngest by several years, so when I was young, I definitely considered myself to be an only child.  Naturally I was bored sometimes, but I also played great by myself.  I played lego and buttons and house and newscaster and chef assistant when mom was baking.  I listened to Sesame Street records and had funerals for ants.  I cannot recall my mom playing WITH me - ever, and yet she was playful and had lots of suggestions.  I do recall lots of fights with and amongst siblings when they got home from school or university or work.

My husband is also the youngest of a large family. As an adult I see that family dynamics are not all that great or cohesive.  Some siblings do not have any sort of relationship with others, and the responsibility of caring for our parents is most certainly unbalanced.

Thanks again for sharing your wisdom on these blogs.

Donna

Thank you so much for writing with your story, Donna.  I loved hearing the great ways you played (buttons?) and about your mom’s subtle role as facilitator.  And all of us need to remember ‘family is what you make it.’ 

By Donna on February 3, 2012