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Blog » “How Do I Get My Kid to Listen?”

“How Do I Get My Kid to Listen?”

Posted April 4, 2011

Randall, father of 2.5 year old Tony, is frustraated because Tony appears to have a hearing problem whenever it is bedtime, come to dinner time or time to put things away.  Randall explains carefully to Tony the value of listening and cooperating - in terms he believes his son can understand.  "He is very verbal so obviously he understands me.  And of course I know he does hear well because the minute the TV goes on he comes running.  But no matter how many times I tell him to do something..."

I can see that Randall is a dedicated dad who is trying very hard to make his wishes clear to his son.  And the wishes seem reasonable.  The trouble is that Randall doesn't fully understand the developmental abilities - and limitations - of a 2.5 year old mind. No matter how bright and no matter how advanced Tony's language may be, when a parent tries hard to explain things to a toddler, the child will typically click the "mute" button.  

Toni's stage of development requires  that he experience parental action to match the words.  This way the words eventually become associated the actions and as he matures, most of the verbal requests will be easily interpreted and (sometimes!) followed.

As I mention in my Setting Healthy Limits seminar, kids begin to learn your firm words like "No touching!" only if  it is accompanied by actual removal of the item or the child. The words alone simply provide your toddler with something interesting to test.

"Time to go to bed now, honey.  Come along.  Let's get up and I can read you a story.  You were really tired this morning and it's good to get to bed early.  Come on, now."  (bla-bla-MUTE!)  Your child will learn to pay more attention to your words if you say it's time for bed and you physically pick up the child and  carry him straight to get ready.

"Stop running your truck on the hardwood floor.  It makes scratches and some of those scratches are hard to remove later. Your truck is made of metal and metal scratches wood." (bla-bla-MUTE!) Your child will learn to pay attention to your words if you say "The truck belongs on the rug" as you pick up the truck and move it to the rug.

"Don't go so close to the fountain because you might get wet.  You've got your new shoes on and if they get wet they won't look nice.  Come on, sweetie.  Come back from the fountain."   Instead, a simple "Don't go close to rhe fountain" as you move quickly to pick up your child or take their hand and physically move her away from the fountain will help your child understand exactly what you mean.

After age three children are able to listen to the "why" of things and you'll know your child is ready and interested in hearing a little background information. Your sentences can lengthen.

Book a Behavioral Consultation with Kitty Raymond to learn better strategies.

 

 

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