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Blog » Getting Ready to Go…and Sibling Rivalry

Getting Ready to Go…and Sibling Rivalry

Posted March 20, 2009

Hi Kitty,

I have two questions:

1) I need tips on how to dial down 'competitiveness.' My son, age 6yrs, speaks and asks questions often about 'the best', the 'fastest' and now has engaged his 3yr old brother in the same speak. My husband, with fun in mind, has at times spoken about going to play and 'racing' (ie. bikes, snowsledding etc) which he has now stopped, realizing that our son responds too well to the challenge.

Both my husband and I have repeatedly said 'this is not a competition' when the boys race to 'be first' whether it be brushing teeth, washing hands etc. Your suggestions are eagerly awaited!

2) Tips on how to engage a 6 yr old who seems to have difficulty listening/responding. We are trying to be patient, trying to let him 'finish' his task at hand, trying to give 'heads up' notices when wanting his attention to leave for school, appointments, lessons etc. however he seems to tune out our requests until we get to the point of exasperation and (to our discontent) raise our voices and lose our calm. Thanks in advance for your ideas/suggestions.

This type of competitiveness at this age and especially between siblings is usually very hard to tame.  It almost seems to be built in to the personality in some children.  Certainly you can be sure you do not participate or instigate it and you can make statements like you are already making, but those steps will probably not override the 'thrill' of a race to the toothbrush, the car door, the front door, etc.  I'm thinking that you may need to let go of thinking you should control this.  They will sort it out over time, and whoever loses most often will probably start declining to engage.
 
Regarding your son's slow pace in getting ready and lack of responsiveness, maybe a kitchen timer would do the trick. Establish a reward (sticker on a chart) when he "hears" the bell and responds appropriately and a consequence of some sort when he does not respond to the bell.  Maybe you could design a plan using poker chips that go into a jar (and out of the jar...) and accumulate (or not) toward the purchase of something at the end of the week.

Adding the timer takes the emotional part (and the power struggle) out of the equation.

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