Blog » Developmental Changes and Good Sleep
Developmental Changes and Good Sleep
Posted January 10, 2009
Dear Kitty,
We did the sleep training with our now 21 month old at around 11 months. He has occasionally relapsed slightly from his good sleeping (after being away from home, or after being sick), but this time it has seemingly lasted longer. The issue isn't as much when he goes to sleep (although there are times he won't calm after quite some time), but more with night wakings. What used to be a 5min fussing and back to sleep has become a 45+ minute bawl session. We have therefore, resorted back to going in, rocking him (sometimes completely back to sleep) and laying him in his crib. Last night I went in after 15 minutes or so of screaming, calmed him down (without picking him up) and then told him to lay down in a firm but gentle voice. When he finally did, I rubbed his back a couple times then left the room. He of course began to cry, but within 10 minutes or so was sleeping. He later woke at 6:30ish and went back on his own in his regular manner and again at 8am. Are we doing the right thing? Should be simply not go in at all no matter what? Could be be experiencing nightmares at this age?
Rather than nightmares I am quite sure he is "suffering" from new brain development. It could be in any area - physical, emotional, verbal, etc. Other than travel or sickness, this is the most common reason for previously good sleep patterns to go off the tracks. It usually starts small, parents respond a bit, child learns there is something to work for and -as in your case - parents try to figure out what is wrong, end up helping and a new pattern is launched. And because he is bigger, stronger and smarter- the crying is louder and can last longer and sound more demanding.
So it is important that you now choose when night #1 will be and sleep train as carefully and completely as you did when he was 11 months. My guess is it will still only take 3 nights once he is getting a clear, consistent message from you.
So at 21 months, he should (ideally) be in bed for no less than 12 hours each night and go into bed fully awake, with no help to fall asleep. Resist responding at all overnight. His nap should be from approximately 12:30 PM to 3:00 PM. No help to fall asleep and if he wakes up early he still doesn't come out until 3 PM.
Good luck getting your good sleeper back!
Filed under: Sleep
Comments
I have a similar situation, with my 20 month old son. It is very intimidating to me to think about letting him cry so much at night, all alone. It feels like we inflicting a lot of stress on him: should we really not go in his room at all, not even to reassure him?
By Erin on June 18, 2009
Hi Erin,
The problem with going into his room to reassure him is that it won’t work the way you hope it will. He won’t be reassured, he’ll just be made angry and upset when you leave again. It’s the leaving he doesn’t like, so you don’t want to keep doing it - in the name of reassurance. Also, the hope of you returning again will keep him awake longer.
As for the stress you feel you are inflicting on him, remember this is very short-term stress—and not nearly as much stress as results from him being sleep deprived in the first place.
I hope you gather the courage to trust his ability to learn to self-calm and get the sleep he needs.
By Kitty on July 7, 2009
Hi Erin,
I agree with Kitty: a bit of stress now but lots of calm and happiness later. Yes, I can’t say I know how it feels to be left to bawl ( I don’t even know if my mom let me cry or not ) but I can say that my son is a very happy camper most days and we’ve let him bawl it out a lot!!! It’s not easy, and often it’s socially unacceptable, to let your baby cry, but in our experience, the long term results have been positive. I hope you stick it out so you too can see the benefits. Good luck!
By Alex on July 12, 2009
I appreciate the supportive responses to my post. Since I wrote this, my son has been switched over to his toddler bed. He actually sleeps much better/longer and I think he appreciates the freedom, because he wanders around his room a bit more, before sleep, and cries much less when he wakes up in the middle of the night. My husband and I have gone with a bit more of a step-by-step approach (first we just wanted to get him sleeping in his own bed, now we are working on him going back to sleep without us being in the room). It has been easier on us than cold turkey, but your responses have given us a lot of confidence to hear him cry and know it is beneficial in the long run!
Many thanks,
By Erin on July 13, 2009
It is so hard to hear your little one crying at night. My 20 month old has been a poor sleeper for quite a while and has started banging his head on his bed when he wakes at night. This can continue for up to 3 hours before he falls asleep again. Do I let him just go until he falls asleep or go in and help calm him?
By Tricia on September 11, 2009
I am the new 1st time parent of twin boys who are almost 1 month old. All and all I think they are pretty good sleepers, but upon buying “the manual” I see that maybe they are not. We are currently trying to put them on a 6am, 9, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, and 10pm feeding schedule where they eat and are up for an hour or more than down—3 hour rotations, with them waking up once after being put down at 11 -11:30.
It would seem that this schedule is not much different from Kitty’s, but their night starts at 6pm I guess. Also, they are not really predictable in how they go down or when they will get up. Every night is different. We have been struggling and with twins we feel we need to get them up at the same time ( ex: when one wakes the other must get up as well) or else we will be feeding all day.
My husband and I ( who is back to work) are struggling for sleep, and I would really live to be able to put them and us on a good schedule that works for them. Last night the boys did sleep 4 hours after 11 and 3 hours after they got up at 3am, which we were happy about, but this does not happen on a regular basis. With 2 babies it makes me wonder how the sleep training will work… Anybody have suggestions? advice? success stories?
thank you
Renee
By Renee on September 22, 2009
As for the head-banging, as a parent I would be disturbed by that. The reason that alot of parents turn to sleep training is so that their baby will go to sleep and not cry at night so they will not be bothered. If your little one is doing this for hours you are not sleeping and it can’t be great for him as well.
I would go in and calm him, perhaps there is something that you can do before the head-banging starts. Don’t ignore your instinct of what is best for your child. That’s something that was instilled in us for a reason, the health and survival of our species. Sleep training is also a North American and possibly European idea, to do these things in any other part of the the world would be considered appalling!
By Debi on November 4, 2009
