Raymond Parenting

This is so right on, Kitty!  My husband has issues at times with our child when he is in charge of feeding him.  He thinks he’s acting out, being manipulative etc.  I, on the other hand, usually have no issues and the breakfast and lunch meals my son and I share alone are my most favourite times of the day!

Thanks for this article…I’ll pass it along.

By Erin on March 26, 2011

I agree that the table (and highchair) needs to be a positive experience, especially since gathering together for food is so much a part of our culture. Some of our best conversations often take place over lunch or dinner. The “problem” we face lately with our four yr old is how incredibly looooong this takes. She literally will spend an hour or more eating a small toddler sized plate of food (regardless of its contents). I tell her if she’s not feeling hungry anymore she can save the rest for later. She insists she’s still hungry but proceeds to dance and sing and make her baby brother laugh instead of eat. As enjoyable as this can be, we can’t decide if we should be setting a time limit to the meal or what?! Do we just leave her and her food to sit even after everyone else is done and kitchen is cleaned up? Maybe i just answered my own question?! I have a feeling (like most “problems”) this is more my issue (and impatience) and this phase will pass too. Lol

By Teresa on March 27, 2011

I stopped offering my 2 year old twins an afternoon snack and as soon as I did this they started eating almost all their dinner without any problems. If they ask me for a snack in the afternoon (which is very rare) I will give them something very small or I’ll move dinner a little earlier. This worked wonders for us. No more dinner time battles! I do think we get too obsessed with making our toddlers eat all the time. They will eat when they are truly hungry.

By Seana on March 28, 2011

I agree wholeheartedly, Kitty - you’re bang on here!  As an infant feeding specialist, this is encountered in research and in the real lives of patients all the time.

If parents could understand and practice the very important ‘on demand’ feeding that infants biologically need to experience without scheduling any part of their feeding (too short OR too long intervals) than we would be able to act like biological human beings… and know when we are hungry.  This also speaks to the research re: overfeeding when bottle feeding and parents who try to get their babies to finish a bottle when no one on this planet could actually tell you how much your baby ‘needs’ to eat, other than your baby itself   When this is done, you start to override their ability to know when full, which interferes wth their ability to know when ready to eat as well.

As parents, it is very important to learn our babies behaviour rather than just knowing how to tell time…

If we respected our childrens cues more, we could potentially lower our rates of obesity, overeating, being rewarded for eating, and etc which through much research and behavioral observations has been written about in journals for decades.  It starts at birth, though, and is very difficult for parents to change once the table food years arrive unless they have learned and practiced baby-led weaning/eating.  Once parents follow the billion dollar marketing industry of baby food companies, they believe the garbage advice that simply makes those companies much more money, while teaching their children to enjoy junk food from their first jarred spoonful.

By Ashley Pickett on March 28, 2011

Hi Ashley,

Thanks for writing in.  I really appreciate your points.  I would like to bring one point up for discussion with you, if that’s OK. It seems to me that the concept of “demand feeding” can be interpreted in two different ways.  To one parent, it means to feed the baby when hungry and stop when baby is full, just as you’ve described above. 

To another parent, however, it can be taken to mean “feed the baby every time it fusses” even if it had a full feeding one hour ago.  This interpretation (I hear it frequently) can result in constant ‘snack’ feedings throughout the day with no time left for or recognition that the baby needs sleep, not food at this moment. Parents are often misinterpreting the sleep-deprived,fussing/crying baby to be “demanding a feeding.”  A breastfeeding mother in particular, becomes exhausted and family harmony goes out the window. 

This is why I encourage parents to schedule approximate feeding and sleeping times. I think they can then make a better guess as to whether this fussing baby is demanding a feeding or desperately in need of sleep.

I wonder if there is a new word/phrase we could use to describe a system of feeding which informs parents of the importance of waiting for hunger and recognizing signs of satiation.  This is important for the baby’s process of self-regulation and even self-esteem as the baby learns to give signals and the parent catches on.  But, at the same time, parents need to be informed that babies will appear “demanding” when what they really need is sleep. Following a loosly-structured schedule will help parents determine which type of “demand” this is - food or sleep.

Thanks,
Kitty

By Kitty on March 29, 2011

I think that allowing children to come to the table hungry is one of the best strategies to preventing picky eating and helping kids to diversify their food choices.  The challenge is the way our houses are designed - the kitchen is often so much part of the living space, that we are constantly receiving hunger cues - that I might be hungry, when really, I could wait another 15 minutes and be really ready to eat my broccoli and other foods.  Not to mention that when kids are constantly snacking, they are often eating nutrient-poor foods that are typically promoted as snack foods.

By kristen on March 31, 2011

This all sounds so good, and should really be common sense, but I still worry if my 13 month is eating enough. I find I am constantly offering him food all day, and that I would be a bad mom to let him get too hungry. I also am afraid that I will not know his cues, it’s very difficult because until they are old enough to talk and tell you they are hungry, I feel like it’s a guessing game. I get discouraged looking through the leaflets from the doctors offices as what they are telling me quantity wise, my son is no where near the recommendation.

By Christine (First time mom to boy) on April 16, 2011

Hi,
I live in Alaska. Yaa. overfeeding is a big problem .. Mothers tend to overfeed their children, and main misconception in the minds of mother is that her child is hungry whenever he/she cries, whatever may be the reason. If he cries out of some pain, he is fed with a bowl of cereals.. lol.. And I would advice all parents to put up outdoor toys in their gardens because if they cannot prevent themselves from over fdeeding.. then they must do something for maintaining their child physical health..

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By pauldavis985 on May 1, 2011