Raymond Parenting

Thank you for sharing this article, its comforting to see someone taking this approach.

As a mother of a 15 month old, I did choose to breastfeed and am glad I made that decision.  However when I look back on the experience I put a ton of pressure on myself to make it happen.  I had a long labour and difficult delivery and then struggled to get the hang of breastfeeding.  In the hospital when I wasn’t producing enough milk I had my husband supplementing with formula through a syringe b/c I was terrified introducing a bottle would interfere with breastfeeding.  In hindsight I wish I had put less pressure on myself and ultimately a mix of bottle and breast would have given me a bit more freedom (or at least the chance for a break).

Later when we ran into some challenges with feeding and I had to introduce formula, I felt guilt even though the feeding process was becoming arduous as I was needing to supplement I felt guilt that I wasn’t able to exclusively breastfeed for as long as I had planned.

We need more literature that promotes choices and doing whats best for mom & baby.  The one thing that got me through was the mantra used in several classes we took: “Feed the BABY!”

By K on January 17, 2011

Thank you for bringing this book to my attention as I had a horrible time breast feeding my baby.  The guilt I felt for only lasting a month and a half of breastfeeding was overwhelming as I had it in my mind that my baby would go from “breast to cup”.  I took all the breastfeeding classes and read many books.  I thought I was prepared.
 
During that first month and a half when I was having my issues, no one told me you could breast feed and supplement with a bottle if necessary, or that your cracked and bleeding nipples will get used to the feeds and heal (I developed mastitis and a fever and I thought this pain and cracked nipple issue will go on chronically).  I was in such a viscous cycle of breastfeeding/pumping that I didn’t have time to sleep and developed anxiety, depression and insomnia….I didn’t sleep for 3 days straight and I broke down after that point and went to bottle feeding.  I wish also that someone would have told me that you can use a nipple shield to protect your breasts if they are sore.  I know these shields are predominantly used for inverted nipples etc, and the baby doesn’t get as much milk with them on, but at least you are getting by, AND breastfeeding… - even if you have to supplement with formula.  I went to a breastfeeding clinic where lactation doctors told me NOT to use the breast shield since I was not getting to the root of the problem (which was my baby falling off the nipple and creating a bad latch which leads to soreness) and I was only putting a band aid on the problem with the shield.  They kept telling me to rest my nipples and just pump which takes FOREVER to do if you are stressed, not letting down your milk well, especially for a machine.

Looking back on all of this now 10 months later, I could scream.  This was my first baby, I didn’t have my mothers advice (who successfully breast fed me for 18 months) as she had passed away 10 years ago. 
I look at it now in this way - I loved and nourished my baby the best way I could and I tried to make sure that not only was my baby taken care of, but that I was taking care of myself since I think the quality of my care towards him would have suffered if I had continued on the path I was going.

I will do it completely different next time.  If breastfeeding works, then great, if not then that’s OK too.

By Emily on January 17, 2011

I read the article and thought it was great.  I actually read it twice as after reading many of the comments I became confused and thought perhaps I read a different article or missed a large section.  I am always amazed how quick to anger pro-breastfeeding people are.  The rants added words, opinions and assumptions I don’t think the author ever made.  I never got the feeling she was suggesting formula feeding was better - but just trying to make the point that it is OKAY!!  She even “goes on record” saying on average breastfed babies are healthier.
  It seems more to me that she is suggesting we stop the scare-tactic method of getting people to breastfeed and support each others choices. 
  After reading many of the angry posts it occurred to me that a lot of the pressure and stress put on moms is from the strongest supporters of breastfeeding themselves.  Perhaps if we stopped suggesting people are failures as mothers if they aren’t successful at breastfeeding more people would breastfeed.  If we said “it may not be easy but give it a go - if you’re having problems there are places you can go for help - but if you just don’t feel it’s right for you and/or baby - THAT’S OKAY” maybe there would be more success with breastfeeding because removing some of the pressure and stress could make it easier for them.

By Heidi on January 17, 2011

Thank you so much for posting a link to this book and the Maclean’s article. My son is now almost a year old and it still makes me cry to think of the anguish over not being able to breastfeed, and the way I was treated by hospital staff and nurses who just tell you to stick with it even when you are bleeding or there is no milk. It’s wonderful to see some other points of view that take into account that we as moms are human beings and we need to be treated kindly.  My biggest heartfelt thanks and I truly wish that I had seen this information in the early days of being a mom.

By Jessica on January 25, 2011

I agree that there is sooo much pressure on moms these days. I am a mom to a 19month old boy, with another on the way and am also a public health nurse. I know health nurses get a lot of bad press about the pressure we put on new moms to breastfeed. The truth is, I find it is the moms themselves who apply this pressure. I cannot tell you how often I am pleading with new, crying moms to just give a bottle and take a break. So many of these moms look at me with shock, and begin to lecture ME that breast is best! We all KNOW that, but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing! I know some nurses do apply a lot more pressure than others but so many of us find it very frustrating when our clients refuse to even consider formula when either a)their baby clearly needs it as weight gain is inadequate or b)signs of postpartum depression are developing and we know getting a break and some sleep can make a world of difference. Our policy is to assist with breastfeeding as long as the mom wants, and we will, and maybe that gives people the impression that we are pressuring them (and maybe some nurses are, unfortunately). Luckily, I had no issues with breastfeeding and continued to for 17 months. But, if problems arise with my next baby, I will have no concerns with supplementing

By N on January 26, 2011