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Time Management with a Toddler
Posted February 1, 2009
Dear Kitty,
This may sound like a silly question, but sometimes I have trouble filling my day when my 18 month old and I are home together. He would love to have me play with him the whole time but somehow I think I should put a limit on that. I would appreciate your advice on what a toddler's day should look like, in a very general way, of course, knowing that every day is not exactly identical.
I think your question is a good one and I agree with you that constant entertainment by a parent is not in a child's best interest. Creativity and resourcefulness will result as your child experiences regular times during the day when he needs to rely on himself and his own ideas for entertainment.
What follows is an excerpt from an as yet unpublished book I've written called "Parenting: Keep It Simple". This section addresses your question:
Managing Your Time with a Toddler in the House
This can be very challenging. Children ages one and two years may test parents by willingly becoming "hooked" on any kind of entertainment the parent will offer, especially if it means going out of the house, being picked up, played with, etc. Many toddlers seem to resist entertaining themselves. Yet, because we know that free play with interesting play props and without an adult directly involved is the way toddlers do their best learning, I encourage parents to schedule 'alone' time for their toddler. Here might be a typical toddler's day:
7:00am Get up and putter* / eat breakfast / putter again while parent is also having their breakfast.
8:00am Independent playtime (45 minutes) in room, with door or gate secured while parent showers, or eats or is otherwise busy. (happy or not, this is important time for a toddler)
9:00am Time to putter, following caregiver; "helping" with jobs
10:00am Watch short program, video, or listens to book on tape
10:30am Read stories with parent or caregiver
11:00am trip out to park, mall, groceries, back yard
12:00am lunch
12:30 -1:00pm go down for a nap which lasts approximately 2 hours or more
3:00pm wake up, listen to book on tape, 30 minute video, or music
3:30pm read books with parent or caregiver
4:00pm a walk outside, groceries, play in snow, rain, etc.
5:00pm solitary playtime in room (45 minutes) with door or gate secured (happy or not is OK)
6:00pm supper, bath, stories
7:00pm bed time
7:30pm parents eat supper by candlelight!
This chart is intended as a suggestion of how a parent can manage time with a toddler in the house. The day will probably always go best when the same general routine is followed day after day. Toddlers do not seem to thrive on variety. They prefer events to be predictable.
It is important for the parent of a child this age to practice "healthy selfishness" by building in time for yourself throughout the day, not just to get work done but to read a novel, drink tea sitting down and model for your child that parents have interests, too.
*Puttering refers to a child wandering about, picking up small portable objects and bringing them to an adult, walking away, wandering back, whining a bit for possible attention, then going over to a cupboard or toy when adult attention isn't forthcoming.
Filed under: Play
TV Programs for Kids
Posted December 10, 2008
Dear Kitty,
I read your article on rating programs but a lot of these don't seem to be on TV anymore. I've tried to completely avoid letting my son (23 months) watch cartoons but now he seems to be quite interested. So the odd time I do allow him to watch something I'd like it to be "good". I've recorded a few Max & Rubys & Little Bears. Would if be possible for you to please pass along some good shows? And ones to avoid that are out there now but aren't on your list? As always, thanks so much!
To give you the best answer regarding recommended children's television programs, I asked other parents to write in to provide a list of programs they particularly like their child to watch.
Notice I didn't ask for the shows your child "loves". We are a better judge of which shows are beneficial from the following standpoints:
- It peaks your child's curiosity
- It is not over-stimulating with constant flashing, high chirpy, unreal voices, etc.
- People or animals are nice to each other and model behaviors you want your child to see
In addition, I asked readers to tell us which shows do they do not want their child to watch and why?
Here are the comments I received:
"Our son’s (3 years, 10 months) favorite show of the moment are “Super Why” and “Wilbur”. Both promote reading and use familiar stories to explain a moral, or story. Both “look in a book” for an answer. He can’t read yet, but has always cherished his books, so both these shows play on that interest. Characters are kind and gentle, and motion is not too fast paced. Backyardigans have been a constant. They’re quite kind to one another (though Tasha is a bossy one), they go on some exciting adventures and the music doesn’t grate on parents like some of the others. Diego and Dora are popular with him, but nothing like his preference for Super Why. Usually, one of Super Why (or Wilbur) a day is enough to satiate his tv craving.
When he was younger (2 – 2.5), he enjoyed “Franklin” and “Little Bear”, but they seem young for him now, or maybe he’s more into the novelty of “super Why” and “Wilbur”. Elmo’s world was also a good one for him too.
We are not fans of Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch – the big white spider scares our son. He does watch Nemo, but we skip chapters through some parts. Most Disney films have too many villains and other than “edited” Nemo, we have yet to find something appropriate.
Hope that helps and I am looking forward to hearing others top picks!"
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"My son is almost 4 and mostly watches the Backyardigans. He likes to re-enact the adventures they have by himself or with his friends who also watch the show. The voices are calm and animation is easy on the eyes and the characters are kind to each other. It has also sparked his interest in pretending. The basis of the show is the friends get together in their backyards and pretend they are somewhere else and have adventures together. When he was 2, we enjoyed watching Poko and Little Bear.
We have a pvr and only record the backyardigans, so I am not sure which other shows are on right now and can’t comment about which shows I don’t like. Actually I know I don’t like Dora and Diego because the voices are loud and annoying.
We are really enjoying the weekly newsletter!!"
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"My daughter will be 3 in May and highly verbal. She gets about 30 – 45 minutes of TV about 4 times a week and we’ve recently started “movie night” with her on the weekend.
Shows I like for her:
Toopie and Binou – Toopie does have high chirpy unreal voice, but the show is very funny and I think the things they do – have a parade of toys, puppet shows, tell various bedtime stories, etc. – spark the imagination. It started off I think as a French program and little Toopie and Binow books are available in French at Librairie Monette, so it is a nice way to introduce a second language too.
Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go – very commercial, but they are adventurers, out in the world doing interesting things. Kids learn about animals, etc. And the books actually are good for developing language, counting, ABC’s, and a tidbit of Spanish. Despite being so commercial, I don’t mind these shows at all.
Franklin – There is always some moral to the story. Hope this helps!"
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"My picks for t.v. shows are: Curious George (my favourite for a long, long time) and Caillou.
I prefer my child not watch Dora the Explorer because it is annoying and you really don't learn anything - I also do not like Sesame Street - the creatures are too hard to understand. I hope this helps!"
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"My son is 5 and we love Curious George (CBC and PBS), Franklin (treehouse), Handy Manny (Disney – channel 39), Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (channel 39) and Pinky Dinky Doo (CBC) at our house. We took Kitty’s advice a few years ago and taped some Mr. Rogers off the tv and he quite likes that too. My one year old daughter seems to enjoy Barney, but basically gets stuck watching whatever my son puts on – she doesn’t really seem to care. I am still pretty particular with what they watch, but as my son has gotten older, I have loosened the boundaries a bit. I think he is still the only 5 year old that has only ever seen one movie in his lifetime and that was part of his birthday present when he turned 5."
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"My son will be three in June and started watching television when he was two years old. We experimented with quite a few different programs both on television and on DVD and found a few which we don’t mind him watching and which he also seems to enjoy.
On television: (mainly treehouse, some CBC or PBS) Max and Ruby, Babar, Mighty Machines
DVDs include: Raffi, Little Einstein
As an adult, I enjoy the Backyardigans but he doesn’t seem to be able to follow the story line yet so he gets bored quickly. On occasion, we watch Curious George or Franklin. I try to stay away from Thomas because I find the story lines a little negative. No Disney yet as they all seem to have “scary monkeys” (a dark character of some type)"
Filed under: Play, Product Reviews
Mandatory Playtime
Posted November 1, 2008
Dear Kitty,
Up until July, my now 2.5 year old son had been "enjoying" a daily one-hour playtime in his room, in addition to his afternoon nap. When my husband started his summer vacation, we decided to relax the schedule as we could "spell" each other off with parenting. Now we are trying to re-implement the regular playtimes as my husband will be returning to work soon and our second child is due in a few months. We have remained consistent all along with nap and bedtimes, but we are finding that now he is very resistant to his playtimes and is resorting to yelling, throwing things around his room and at his door, and banging on his door with toys. I try to ignore the temper tantrum but am finding it difficult to cope with! Do you have any suggestions? --exasperated parent
It is not surprising to hear that your efforts to reinstate playtimes is not going well. You have given your son a taste of "bread and butter" with yours and/or your husband's full attention during the day, and you are now you are offering only the crusts. Remember that although parent-child play is valuable, it can become addictive and can inhibit a child's natural ability to play independently. Your child's mandatory playtime is as necessary in his development as getting 11-12 hours of sleep at night, and it must remain a consistent part of his routine year-round. What you are experiencing now is essentially "starting over".
The good news is that you have maintained other important components of his routine such as strict nap and bedtimes. When implementing mandatory playtimes, it is equally important to remain consistent with the routine and make sure your son knows exactly what you expect of him (..."it's time for me to ___, and it's time for you to have a playtime"...) He needs to have firm limits and he will be more secure knowing exactly who is in charge. Your role is then to set up his room/play area and step back and let him do the "work" of creating, imagining, and problem solving on his own. His behavior in his room needs to be purposefully ignored for the duration of the playtime while behind his closed door. When the playtime is over and he comes out, don't give undue attention to what went on, or the size of the mess created during his time in his room. He can be involved in the clean-up or not, but there shouldn't be an expectation that he will.
It may be helpful, during the difficult days, to remind yourself that you are fostering in him the ability to play independently--one of the most important childhood tasks!
Filed under: Play
