Blog
Guarding Your Child’s Free Time
Posted September 1, 2009
(class offering): "Free Time, ages 0-16 years, Tuesday / Thursday afternoons, 3PM to 6Pm. Cost: negligable; Location: your home."
If you were to run across this listing in the extra-curricular booklets for fall '09 would you register for it? Would you sign your child up for it? As school resumes, preschool starts and gym/swim or music lessons begin I would like to put in a word in favor of free time for your child.
Historically, free time had a good reputation. Everybody wanted some so they made it for themselves and gave it to their children.
Times have changed; now, keeping busy is more highly valued - it almost doesn't matter with what. Playdates, swimming, piano, basketball, hockey, gymnastics, choral activities and more playdates. If you child has a free afternoon you might feel almost apologetic about it, explaining to friends that you tried to get her into the such-and-such for 7 year olds program but it was full.
For emotional health, children need free time. This means time without TV or computers games, without homework or chores.
"But mom, that sounds so boring! I don't want free time. I want to have a friend over or go somewhere."
Mom says: "Those things will happen on other days. Thursday afternoons are saved especially for you to be able to do nothing or do 100 things. But you have to think of them yourself and learn to spend time with yourself. You have a science kit, you can read, you can pretend or have the water on in the back yard. You can play outside or inside and do whatever you want to do."
"I don't want to do anything! "
Mom says: "That is a normal way to feel at first but soon you may start looking forward to your quiet Thursday afternoons, when this special time is saved just for you."
Filed under: Daily Routines, Interesting Parenting Matters, Play
We’d better hurry
Posted May 1, 2009
"Oh! I forgot about gymnastics today!
We'd better hurry!"
... I overheard a parent say recently as I was picking up my granddaughter from kindergarten. Knowing that the little boy was pressured to move fast after a full morning of kindergarten, to speed through lunch and be on time for his gym class, made me aware once again of the many ways that children are being rushed through childhood.
The 'word on the street', these days is that if you are a conscientious parent you'll involve your baby or preschooler in dance, swimming, gym and music. Whether it is to keep them busy or round out their early “educational” opportunities, the drawbacks of leading a too-busy life include extra time driving from place to place and burn-out from too many adult-directed activities. Children need lots of "do-nothing" time (non-electronic) to review their thoughts, daydream, and practice resourcefulness if and when boredom sets in.
Young children do their best learning through exploration and curious discovery. Your home provides the best laboratory for this child-directed learning to happen, augmented by a preschool experience at age 3 and 4 years and by a play-based kindergarten after the age of five. If we wish our children to have a slow, memorable childhood…we need to practice slow, confident parenting.
Filed under: Daily Routines, Play
Building Resilience with Games
Posted April 1, 2009
This excellent question appeared recently on the ParentsNet discussion board:
I have a 5 year old who is, typically, into playing games (card games, clue, parcheesi etc.). She plays with her friends and us, her parents. When I play with her, I don't try to win, nor do I try to lose, figuring that she will win some and lose some. Which is how it happens. Twice now though, she has reacted to losing in a negative way. The first time, she kicked the Clue board, threw the pieces across the carpet and was very very mad. After briefly explaining that she was being a poor loser and all that entails, I suggested she head upstairs for some quiet time. Today, she lost at Snap and she snapped. I reacted by reminding her that losing is part of playing and she wasn't losing well and that we wouldn't be playing any more games today but we could try again tomorrow. She got really really mad, I got lots of evil eyes and sour looks. While I can empathize how hard it is to lose at the age of 5, I'm wondering if there's anything else I should be doing or saying to discourage the bad losing? Kitty, what are your recommendations on this topic?
Some day you may appreciate the humor in the picture you've painted - Clue board and pieces flying - but I'm sure in the moment it's a very unpleasant scene. It's a good reminder for parents that kids at 5 years of age are likely to be going through a highly competitve stage. For one thing, it's somewhat new for them to understand the complexities and rules of playing games any more sophisticated than bingo and then on top of that, we ask them to be a good loser. This usually reaches beyond their scope.
I think you handled the situation very well, telling her there won't be any more games today but we can try again tomorrow. Gradually, in an effort to keep the games going, she'll at least lower the level of steam when she loses, though for a while her disappointment may feel profound to her.
As time goes on, I bet you'll observe her being able to look back and say ...well, at least I won last time (and eventually) ...maybe next time I'll win!
A long time from now, you may even hear "Good for you, mom!"
Filed under: Play
