Raymond Parenting

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Why Aren’t Babies Sleeping?

Posted January 11, 2010

Why do so many babies have sleep problems?  This is a relatively recent phenomenon, in my opinion, and differs markedly from what I observed 10 or 15 years ago.  What's up?

 

  If I had to make an educated guess as to the cause of this wave of sleep disorders, I would put the blame straight on the backs of well-intentioned but overly zealous breastfeed acvocates.

  Many times parents, upon leaving the hospital with their baby, are made to sign papers testifying that they have been given advice on the benefits of breast-feeding and have heard instructions such as the following:

• Feed your baby every 2 hours around the clock
• Wake up your baby to feed if it is sleeping
• Answer all signs of infant stress/crying with the breast
• Your baby is too young to be sleep trained.
• Some babies don't need as much sleep
• It all depends on the baby
• Whenever your baby cries, she is calling for help.  You should answer every time or you might interfere with attachment.
• It is easier to have a secure attachment with a breast-fed baby than with a bottle-fed baby.
• Crying is harmful to attachment

Obviously, some parents are going to find it scary NOT to follow the above admonitions. What happens then is that very often, a baby who might well have been born to be a good sleeper is awakened so often she becomes conditioned to short sleeps and expects to be fed constantly. The people pushing breast-milk production (the reasonsometimes  given for the above rules) are not seeing the wider picture.  The overall health and well-being of a newborn depends on being fed  and getting good sleep. How the baby is fed should in no way override the baby's need for sleep and the encouragement of good sleep skills.

Let me be clear - breast-feeding is a very healthy way to feed a baby and carries obvious benefits.  But exclusive breast-feeding can be established and fit very nicely into a schedule and routine that is also designed around good sleep. 

Babies have not changed.  The mainstream, peer reviewed research on how much milk a newborn needs for good growth and development has not changed.  What has changed is that breast-feeding has become a "cause" to which many people and health regions are obsessively devoted.  Pre-natal class instructors, public health clinic nurses and some of the thousands of newly-minted breast-feeding consultants are on this band-wagon. And of course parenting books, authors, and marketers have happily joined in this campaign.

Things are out of balance for parents right now who are trying to do the best by their baby, look after good sleep and find a spot of harmony with which to carry on. When parents were allowed to make their own informed, educated choices about feeding their baby and follow their intuition towards good sleep, I didn't see this amount of anguish, confusion and stress.

Do you have an opinion on this?  Feel free to write your comments/stories, below. 

 

 

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In Search of Mastery

Posted December 24, 2009

Derek, father of 2 year old Simon wonders why his son wants the same story read, day after day.  "I'm a little tired of it myself and I think a variety of books would be more educational for him.  But every time I try to read a different book, he fusses until he gets me to pick up the one I've read 100 times."

 

There was a time when my daughters were toddlers when I felt exactly this way about the books they wanted me to read.  Sometimes I even hid the ones I was so tired of so I could escape the boredom of a re-read.  Obviously, I hadn't heard of the concept of mastery yet, but I guess my daughters had! Babies, I learned later, have an innate interest in mastery.  Of course, they love to explore new toys and corners and books but once the all-important excitement of discovery has occured, babies and toddlers set out to master the books, toys and experiences that interest them the most.

Mastery occurs through repetition.  Young children are driven to discover and then master all aspects of the rich environment you provide for them, and you, as the parent / caregiver are the facilitator of this essential educational process.

So, as you spend some post-Christmas time "hanging out" with your toddler, remember what they crave the most:  regularity, routine and...repetition

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What’s Wrong With the Book: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child?  Plenty!

Posted November 23, 2009

While Marc Weissbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child  is among the better books on sleep (I used to recommend it on my previous website) there are many pages I'd like to rip out!  It grieves me to encounter parents who have worked for weeks on sleep guidelines as recommended in this book - yet a good night's sleep for their child and themselves is not happening .  On a topic as important as sleep for babies and young children whose minds and bodies are developing so fast, there is no room for misinformation or "feel good" advice. It is completely unacceptable to state, as Weissbluth does on page 170, that a nine-month old baby might still need two feedings during the night. Demand perhaps, but need? A nine-month old has for at least 5 months been perfectly capable of taking in sufficient calories during the daytime to maintain a satisfactory place on the growth chart. To state otherwise plays with parents minds and childrens health, unfairly. (The only exception to this would be a child with unusual health issues and in that case the family would be working with their physician to make an alternate plan.)

In my office library, there are 12 popular books on sleep: Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old, the 7O'clock Bedtime, the New Contented Little Baby Book, BabyWise, Sleeping Through the Night, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, The Baby and Toddler Sleep Programme, The Self-Calmed Baby, Teach Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night, The Happiest Baby on the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Calming Your Fussy Baby. I also own a few texts, among them is Principles and Practice of Pediatric Sleep Medicine. 

I have read each of these books.  Each one has some good ideas, followed by some bad ideas, followed by more good ideas.  Some recommendations are supported by research and some are based on speculation and observation. Each one is designed to appeal to a parents' desperate desire to find an "easy" way to  help their baby sleep.  However, in all the books I've read there are what I call fatal flaws --recommendations which I believe can result in even more exhaustion for the family, unexpectedly long crying times, and sabbotage the baby's ability to learn self-calming skills in a timely way.

The one exception is BabyWise by Ezzo.  This book has created so much controversy within the La Leche/Attachment Parenting/Breast-feeding lobby community, however, that you might need to hide it away if your public health nurse came for a visit. Even this  book isn't perfect and I don't list it on my website because it too has flaws (or should I say it doesn't always agree with me!).  But I really like the basic concept of "family centered parenting" as opposed to "child centered parenting." I also agree with Ezzo's concept of parent directed feeding as opposed to infant directed feeding.   My favorite quote from his book is "Your decision to bottle or breast-feed should be made free of coersion or manipulation." My reason for not listing this book on my website is that his subsequent books take on religious overtones and his family structure is fairly rigid.  Still, this is the book I recommend to help parents understand the value of putting a baby into bed awake and avoiding sleep crutches - from the very beginning.

All parenting books should be read with healthy skepticism, and as you attend my Sleep from the Start or Sleep from Now On seminars, I hope you'll bring that same skepticism with you.  You, the parents, know your baby best and once you have collected information from a few trusted resources you'll be ready to chart your own course toward good sleep for your family.  If you don't have time for a seminar, it's easy to arrange telephone and email counseling with me.

 

 

 

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