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Survival Tips for Visiting Relatives Over the Holiday

Posted November 25, 2011

While it might make sense for grandparents to visit your family over Christmas, I observe that most young families are the ones to make the trip "home" or to other family locations at this time of the year.  On the one hand, this may save you having to produce Christmas dinner for 25 people when you have 1, 2 or 3 children needing daily care but on the other hand, of course, you'll be headed into the family fishbowl where yours and your childrens behaviour will be on display.

"Why are you putting him down for a nap when he doesn't even look tired?"  "Lets go shopping.  He'll be fine in the stroller." "Are you really OK with him crying like that in the crib?  I could go get him for you."  "Is that really all she eats?"  "We always made you kids eat one bite of everything when you were little."  "When you kids were young we never had to baby-proof the house. One little slap on the hand did it!"

Need some survival tips?  Read on.

1. Set up your baby's bed in a quiet corner of your room where you'll be sleeping.  Don't forget to bring along a white noise machine they are used to (one that plays all night).  Stick to regular nap times even if relatives give you a hard time.  Have your phrases ready. "she does better when she goes down at a regular time.  And because you are all so exciting to her, she may need to cry a bit now in order to get relaxed.  Please ignore the noise:)."  Your baby or toddler will sleep just fine in a pak n play playpen for the visit.  Putting a toddler down for a nap and into bed on time will help you avoid embarasing melt-downs in front of an audience.  White noise, same comment to relatives as mentioned above." Your older toddler can probably to skip a nap here and there without dire consequences but the down time should work well for you, too.
2. When your child's behavior starts to deteriorate, take him/her into a private room rather than correcting the behavior in front of everyone.  If your child is going through an aggressive stage and cousins are there, designate  one or the other of you to do the "shadowing" so you can avoid incidents if at all possible.
3. Some of the things you hear yourself saying to your child will be for the sake of other parents who are watching or whose children are being bullies.  Parenting happens in a fishbowl in families and it is hard when you feel judged.  Go for a ride!
4. Try not to judge other's parenting, even if it seems your child is getting the brunt of a playtime. Take your own child for a walk or drive to calm yourself and give your child a break.  Christmas confrontations never end well.
5. Say "thank you" for your child for gifts rather than forcing or waiting for him/her to come out with it.  She may not, and what are you going to do then?  Don't back yourself into a corner.
6. "Is she toilet trained yet?"  " It's going along very well for us.  How was the weather at your house before you came?"
7. When possible , feed your child earlier than the large family meal will be happening.  Keep the focus off your child this way when the whole crowd is at the table. You can say "She's not hungry, dad, she ate already."  Then any eating she does do is highly impressive!
8. Expect that your child will be off his/her good sleep schedule at some point in the holiday, no matter how hard you try to maintain what you know works best.  But remember, it's a holiday so when you get back home may be soon enough to do a night or two of sleep training and get sleep habits back to normal.

Now, I know readers would like to hear from each other.  What difficulties do you predict you'll encounter around your family and do you have a plan for how to handle it?  Do you need one?  Maybe we can help.

 

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Are You Trying to Get Your Toddler to Clean Up Her Toys?

Posted November 20, 2011

In recent years and for a variety of reasons, parents have grown increasing concerned about how and when to teach their toddlers to clean up their toys.  This may be because parents are raising children later in their careers so adult work ethic issues create higher expectations of toddlers or maybe it's because parents tend to buy more toys for their child than any previous parenting generation and they are being driven crazy by the clutter.

"How soon can I get him to start cleaning up his toys?" is a common question in parent's minds these days. My thoughts on this matter may surprise you.

The False Pursuit of a Tidy House

PIcking up after themselves is not a typical toddler activity.  Developmentally, because of their fantastic curiosity, getting things out is a healthy, much more appropriate interest. By puirsuing this interest in touching and handling things and seeing how they work, they are making themselves smart and providing just-right stimulation for their developing brain.

"But I thought that by starting early, I could get her in the habit of putting her things away after she has played with them,"  remarked a mother of a two-year old recently.  "No," I advised, "what you'll be doing is creating a discipline problem that could have been easily avoided and one with a very low success rate." I went on to explain that I believe parents are expecting too much of toddlers and may not be fully aware of how a toddler brain works and how they learn best (age 1-3 years). 

Toddlers Learn from Watching and Copying

If you want to get your toddler to use your cell phone, all you need to do is to be seen using it yourself, very often and with some animation.  Learning will happen quickly and easily. In fact, if you sit down to "teach" cell phone use to your toddler, she will likely wander away.  Toddlers are not ready to learn from being taught but they are ready to learn by watching.  For example, I predict your toddler loves to watch and "help" you sort laundry into separate piles.  I predict your toddler loves to watch and "help" you loading or unloading the dishwasher.  You may not recognize these interests as opportunities that lead to sorting activities you can do with your child and eventually...way down the road, will lead to them having interest in putting things (laundry, dishes, toys, etc.) into their proper piles or places.

Sorting Activities are Key

Research has long shown the positive benefit on a child's growing brain from sorting items into categories.  (And, as a child grows older, re-sorting items according to different characteristics).  So first sorting a button collection (supervision required) according to colors, and next sorting them by size (big or small or things that belong to daddy vs mommy or toys that belong to the dog vs toys belonging to the toddler, to name a few examples. 

Now, as you work through a 10-minute session of you putting toys and blocks and lego away, talk out loud about how you are sorting these items.  "OK, before we can read a book, we need to put all the toys in their right places for the night.  All the trucks and cars can go in this basket.  All the dolls can go in this basket and all the people can be in this little basket.  They can all have a good sleep.  Now, the lego pieces can live here and the blocks all go in this big, yellow basket. OK, is everyone in their right places?  Good.  Now we can read a book.)

Night after night one parent or the other can go through this routine of sorting different categories of (zoo animals, farm animals, dinosaurs, etc.,) into their baskets to sleep with their same-type mates.  At first your child will simply watch and I advise you not to demand "You need to help me."  It's really your job as a parent of a child this age to be responsible for creating a continually rich educational environment , which means grouping and re-grouping play props to afford your child the best opportunity to imagine he or she  plans to play with them the next morning or after their nap is over.  

But in the meantime, you are introducing a family routine which is easy for children to catch on to.  and as you model out loud how interested you are in completing this activity, soon they want to share in and copy a little of what you are doing.

In the meantime, you are also reinforcing the idea that before we can do one thing (book) we have to somethng else (tidy).

More sorting ideas

 

Raymond Parenting News

Seminars

Toilet Learning the Easy Way  November 22, 2011

Sleep from the Start (prenatal)  December 1 2011 or January 12, 2012

Sleep from Now On (12 lbs up)   January 10, 2012

Setting Healthy Limits (discipline)  January 17, 2012

Toilet Learning the Easy Way    January 24, 2012 (plus Nov. 22, 2011)

Register

Need help right now?  Telephone Counseling is available on all seminar topics

Got a question you need answered?  Email Counseling

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Can’t Attend a Seminar Before Christmas?  Book a Phone Appointment with Kitty, Instead

Posted November 13, 2011

As you head into the busy season ahead, you may wish you could attend a parenting seminar but just can't manage the time or the driving distance.  Rest assured - you'll still have access to the seminar content from your own home by booking a 55 minute Telephone Appointment with Kitty.  And, as a bonus, Kitty will tailor the information specifically to suit your family and your particular situation with the child you are calling about.

An appointment can be booked to cover any of the following seminars: Sleep from the Start, Sleep from Now On, Setting Healthy Limits (Discipline) and Toilet Learning the Easy Way - all tailored to your child.

Or, you may choose to book an appointment to cover several small issues you are experiencing including siblings having problems with each other, how to choose a preschool, why your time-outs aren't working or how to prepare a toddler for the arrival of a new baby. 

Telephone appointments are available on Monday mornings and Wednesday afternoons, including a 5:30 PM appointment availability on Wednesday afternoons.

 

Please use this link to book your appointment.

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