Raymond Parenting

Blog

Feeding Tips - New Research

Posted December 15, 2011

The following Feeding Guidelines were presented at the Zero to Three 26th Annual Conference on Early Childhood, held in Washington DC in early December, 2011.  The presentor was Irene Chatoor, M.D., Professor and Vice-chair of Department of Psychiatry and Director of Infant Toddler Mental Health Program at Children's National Medical Center, Washington, D.C. I've chosen to focus on five of Dr. Chatoor's Feeding Guidelines I believe will be of special interest to readers.

 

• In order to help your child to feel hungry, feed your child at regular times, and space meals/snacks 3-4 hours apart. Do not allow your child to have any snacks, juice or milk between scheduled meal and snack times.  If your child gets thirsty, he/she should be offered water, even if it results in a temper tantrum. (There is no need for a snack between breakfast and lunch, even if your child wasn't hungry for breakfast.  We want to focus on bringing a hungry tummy to the lunchtime experience.  A small snack at the end of the afternoon nap provides a good 3-hour window that will still allow hunger at dinner time.)

• Serve small portions and allow your child to ask for 2nd, 3rd and fourth helpings.  This will help your child be engaged in the eating process and prevent her from being  overwhelmed by large amounts of food.  Most importantly, it will help your child learn to eat until she feels full.  We want children to learn to be in touch with feelings of hunger and satiety -- rather than make them eat until we feel satisfied she has had enough. 

• Teach your child to sit at the table until "mommy's and Daddy's tummys are full."  Children do not learn to eat until full unless they learn to sit at the table long enough to eat until fullness.  (Note: frequent readers of this blog may recognize this advice differs from mine.  I'm thinking this over to see if I agree.)

• Meals should last no longer than 20 to 30 minutes, even if your child has eaten very litle or nothing.  Your child will learn to make up for the minimal food intake at the next meal.

• Praise your child for self-feeding skills, but keep a neutral attitude about your child's food intake.  Do not praise or criticize your child for how much or how little he eats.  Your child's eating is not a performance, but should instead be regulated internally by your child's own hunger. 
  

Now, let's talk about your child and certain eating situations over the upcoming holiday.  First and formost, I suggest you make every effort to keep the spotlight OFF of your child during meal times.  It's important to send a silent message that your child's eating habits are not material for extended-family conversation.  Divert any questions or comments by changing the subject.

  Be sure your child's plate has very small amounts of the foods you already know he likes, even if you bring it from home.  This is not the time to present 4 new foods and tell her she needs to "at least try a bite."

If your child still eats in a high chair at home, lucky you! Take it along if you can. Booster seats present multiple problems of their own, in my opinon, because  the added freedom becomes an invitation to climb up and down rather than focus on "whether I am hungry or not."

And, from Dr. Chatoor's list above, Id' like to strongly emphasize that at home and away, parents make every effort to assure their child is hungry at the arranged mealtime.  This means avoiding the constant bits of food a few parents use throughout the day, to control whining, etc. 

Last word: Since it's Christmas,  know that - in a pinch - you an cheat on every rule, if you need to.  You can even say that your child ate before you left home, and serve her just pumpkin pie for dinner!

| Subscribe to email updates for this blog

(0) comments

Read more...

Filed under: Holidays with Children, Feeding and Eating

---

Survival Tips for Visiting Relatives Over the Holiday

Posted November 25, 2011

While it might make sense for grandparents to visit your family over Christmas, I observe that most young families are the ones to make the trip "home" or to other family locations at this time of the year.  On the one hand, this may save you having to produce Christmas dinner for 25 people when you have 1, 2 or 3 children needing daily care but on the other hand, of course, you'll be headed into the family fishbowl where yours and your childrens behaviour will be on display.

"Why are you putting him down for a nap when he doesn't even look tired?"  "Lets go shopping.  He'll be fine in the stroller." "Are you really OK with him crying like that in the crib?  I could go get him for you."  "Is that really all she eats?"  "We always made you kids eat one bite of everything when you were little."  "When you kids were young we never had to baby-proof the house. One little slap on the hand did it!"

Need some survival tips?  Read on.

1. Set up your baby's bed in a quiet corner of your room where you'll be sleeping.  Don't forget to bring along a white noise machine they are used to (one that plays all night).  Stick to regular nap times even if relatives give you a hard time.  Have your phrases ready. "she does better when she goes down at a regular time.  And because you are all so exciting to her, she may need to cry a bit now in order to get relaxed.  Please ignore the noise:)."  Your baby or toddler will sleep just fine in a pak n play playpen for the visit.  Putting a toddler down for a nap and into bed on time will help you avoid embarasing melt-downs in front of an audience.  White noise, same comment to relatives as mentioned above." Your older toddler can probably to skip a nap here and there without dire consequences but the down time should work well for you, too.
2. When your child's behavior starts to deteriorate, take him/her into a private room rather than correcting the behavior in front of everyone.  If your child is going through an aggressive stage and cousins are there, designate  one or the other of you to do the "shadowing" so you can avoid incidents if at all possible.
3. Some of the things you hear yourself saying to your child will be for the sake of other parents who are watching or whose children are being bullies.  Parenting happens in a fishbowl in families and it is hard when you feel judged.  Go for a ride!
4. Try not to judge other's parenting, even if it seems your child is getting the brunt of a playtime. Take your own child for a walk or drive to calm yourself and give your child a break.  Christmas confrontations never end well.
5. Say "thank you" for your child for gifts rather than forcing or waiting for him/her to come out with it.  She may not, and what are you going to do then?  Don't back yourself into a corner.
6. "Is she toilet trained yet?"  " It's going along very well for us.  How was the weather at your house before you came?"
7. When possible , feed your child earlier than the large family meal will be happening.  Keep the focus off your child this way when the whole crowd is at the table. You can say "She's not hungry, dad, she ate already."  Then any eating she does do is highly impressive!
8. Expect that your child will be off his/her good sleep schedule at some point in the holiday, no matter how hard you try to maintain what you know works best.  But remember, it's a holiday so when you get back home may be soon enough to do a night or two of sleep training and get sleep habits back to normal.

Now, I know readers would like to hear from each other.  What difficulties do you predict you'll encounter around your family and do you have a plan for how to handle it?  Do you need one?  Maybe we can help.

 

| Subscribe to email updates for this blog

(2) comments

Read more...

Filed under: Holidays with Children

---

How To Keep Sleep Intact While On A Holiday

Posted December 27, 2010

Dear Kitty,

 I’m concerned about an upcoming trip to visit my parents for two weeks.  My child is finally a good sleeper at home.  We’ve done sleep training and at 6 months, she now sleeps between 11 and 12 hours at night.  Naps are still a struggle, but we are working on that. She may need to sleep in our room with us and I’m afraid we’ll end up with her back in our bed.

Any advice you have will be appreciated.

 -Worried Mom

 

Hello W. M.,

 

Many parents share your concern as a trip approaches.  It’s easy to feel like the spotlight will be on you and how well your child behaves, sleeps and eats, etc.  Your goal can be to recreate as many aspects of her bedtime and overnight routines as you can – that is those that are portable.  If you have time, get her used to sleeping in a playpen (Pac N Play type) while she is still at home.  Take it with you on your trip with the same sheets you’ve used at home.  Now you’ve reduced one variable already.

 Take along (or buy) a portable white noise machine (Toys R Us) and use it at home before you go and on your trip.  Another variable reduced! 

 Take along a few comfort items she may use now in her crib to help her self-calm. 

 Most important: put her to bed on time and in the same way you do at home: awake and not overtired; tell her “It’s nighttime, I love you, I’ll see you in the morning” and leave the room promptly and close the door. 

 You may need to inform loving relatives that she sleeps best once she has gotten herself to sleep, and if they hear her in the night not to worry – she will be working on settling herself back to sleep.

 Initially, she may need to cry a bit to get herself to sleep in these new surroundings.  But with your help and consistency this should soon get better.

 Last resort?  If you have no choice but to bring her into bed with you for the duration of the trip, know that it will only take a few nights of sleep training to get her back on track.

 Cheers, Kitty

Note to Readers: I would love to hear your comments, stories and observations.  However, I am unable to respond to questions in this particular format.  Please see email questions on my website.

| Subscribe to email updates for this blog

(2) comments

Read more...

Filed under: Holidays with Children

---

Page 1 of 1 pages

Parenting Seminars
and Support