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Picky Eating and Mealtimes
Posted February 20, 2009
Dear Kitty,
Our two-year old son is a very picky eater. We try to make him eat with us but he says he isn't hungry and misbehaves at the table. My husband is especially concerned that we eat dinner together as a family (we also have a 4 year old who eats well), so my son's resistance is causing a lot of stress. Our day home provider says he eats just fine for her, which is also frustrating. He only wants to eat toast, kiwi and yogurt. Oh, and he loves noodles (plain). What can we do to get him to be a better eater and stay at the table with the family?
You may be dealing with two issues here. First is the issue of the supper time meal being especially problematic with behavior issues, etc. It's a good idea to think back on what your son has eaten all through the day. If he has had a reasonable breakfast (most kids do if they had milk first...) and has eaten pretty well at the day home, it's very possible he simply isn't hungry at supper time. He may have already taken in the calories he requires for good growth and development that day and has no appetite left. It's really hard to sit still and eat when you aren't hungry.
The other issue is that toddlers usually do not prefer to have a large variety of foods (even though nutritionists wish they would) and often get stuck on certain things they will eat - to the exclusion of everything else. Of course then, just when you've bought 10 kiwis on sale, they become the refused food and he may only want carrots. Parents are wise to go with the flow of these food jags and look more at whether your son has tasted all the food groups through the year instead of through each day or week. If so, you've done a good job!
Seldom do food issues result in weight loss, so I suggest at dinner time you ring a bell to let everyone know that food is on the table if they are interested and then go ahead and enjoy your own meal without counting heads. If someone comes up later saying they are hungry, you can serve small amounts of what you served for dinner. Do not worry that because of not eating dinner he will wake up from hunger during the night. He may wake up but it will be from habit rather than hunger. When he says he isn't hungry, we must believe him and allow his stomach to remain empty until morning...time for a good breakfast.
Filed under: Feeding and Eating
Throwing Food
Posted December 20, 2008
Dear Kitty,
My 20 month-old has a very frustrating habit of throwing his dish(es), cup, utensils, placemat etc. onto the floor as soon as he finishes eating (or during eating). I can't seem to find a solution to this. Anything I have said has not made a difference. I have tried positive reinforcement by really praising him if he hands me his things when he is finished (when prompted), but this doesn't seem to be working well enough. I would appreciate any suggestions - this makes an enormous mess and is driving me crazy!
I think you'll have better success if you stop reacting to the throwing of the utensils. When something goes down, you can simply assume his meal is over and without referring to the thrown object or even making any eye contact, get him down. No comment, no "look", no sighs, just get him down. Clean up the floor a few minutes later.
If he is still hungry, he'll protest the first time and begin to mend his ways after another time or two. If he convinces you he is still hungry, you may give him a 2nd chance after he's had some time to cry. If he isn't hungry any more, he's better off down anyway. Remember to 'not care' about how much he has eaten. When a parent worries about that they tend to leave the child too long, hoping for another bite, and the child is tempted to misbehave.
The most important thing is for both parents 'not to see' or care when the objects go down. Suddenly his whole reason for doing it (attention and reaction) will be absent. It may take a few days to improve.
Filed under: Discipline, Feeding and Eating
