Blog
Family Mealtimes - Pleasure or Disaster?
Posted March 18, 2010
Some parents of very young children wonder why the picture of the "family mealtime" looks so different at their house. It seems the harder they try, the worse the outcome. I've given this a lot of thought lately and I think I know what goes wrong. See if you agree and drop me a comment if you have further thoughts on this.
From the age of about three years on, I think family mealtimes have merrit and are worth pursuing -- on the nights when the stars align. On other nights, without guilt, you simply feed kids when they need to be fed with an eye toward bedtime, not worrying that you are letting anyone down by not sitting down as a family. Generally by the time children are 3,4 and 5 years they are able to understand both the pleasure and the expectations that come when the whole family eats together, when it is convenient.
Children who are not yet three years will be more erratic in their ability to sit still, not interrupt, listen and wait their turn. Children this age often need to go back and forth -coming for a bite then off to pick up a car and back for another bite. When parents are stressed by this I usually try to remind them that this is developmentally appropriate and allowing some flexibility but not commenting or giving the child attention, makes for a calmer time around the table.
Filed under: Feeding and Eating
Why Aren’t Babies Sleeping?
Posted January 11, 2010
Why do so many babies have sleep problems? This is a relatively recent phenomenon, in my opinion, and differs markedly from what I observed 10 or 15 years ago. What's up?
If I had to make an educated guess as to the cause of this wave of sleep disorders, I would put the blame straight on the backs of well-intentioned but overly zealous breastfeed acvocates.
Many times parents, upon leaving the hospital with their baby, are made to sign papers testifying that they have been given advice on the benefits of breast-feeding and have heard instructions such as the following:
- Feed your baby every 2 hours around the clock
- Wake up your baby to feed if it is sleeping
- Answer all signs of infant stress/crying with the breast
- Your baby is too young to be sleep trained.
- Some babies don't need as much sleep
- It all depends on the baby
- Whenever your baby cries, she is calling for help. You should answer every time or you might interfere with attachment.
- It is easier to have a secure attachment with a breast-fed baby than with a bottle-fed baby.
- Crying is harmful to attachment
Obviously, some parents are going to find it scary NOT to follow the above admonitions. What happens then is that very often, a baby who might well have been born to be a good sleeper is awakened so often she becomes conditioned to short sleeps and expects to be fed constantly. The people pushing breast-milk production (the reasonsometimes given for the above rules) are not seeing the wider picture. The overall health and well-being of a newborn depends on being fed and getting good sleep. How the baby is fed should in no way override the baby's need for sleep and the encouragement of good sleep skills.
Let me be clear - breast-feeding is a very healthy way to feed a baby and carries obvious benefits. But exclusive breast-feeding can be established and fit very nicely into a schedule and routine that is also designed around good sleep.
Babies have not changed. The mainstream, peer reviewed research on how much milk a newborn needs for good growth and development has not changed. What has changed is that breast-feeding has become a "cause" to which many people and health regions are obsessively devoted. Pre-natal class instructors, public health clinic nurses and some of the thousands of newly-minted breast-feeding consultants are on this band-wagon. And of course parenting books, authors, and marketers have happily joined in this campaign.
Things are out of balance for parents right now who are trying to do the best by their baby, look after good sleep and find a spot of harmony with which to carry on. When parents were allowed to make their own informed, educated choices about feeding their baby and follow their intuition towards good sleep, I didn't see this amount of anguish, confusion and stress.
Do you have an opinion on this? Feel free to write your comments/stories, below.
Filed under: Feeding and Eating, Sleep
The Picky Eater - A New Perspective
Posted November 3, 2009
It is rare these days to hear of a toddler who eats really, really well. I wonder if this is due to a generational change in the eating behavior of kids from about 1 to 4 years or if it a product of higher parental expectations. The "Clean Plate Club" many parents remember from their own childhood seems to be seen as a negative - to be avoided - by today's parents but maybe it has simply taken on a new face.
Higher parental expectations? It is interesting to note that charts and "guidelines" posted and promoted at health clinics actually recommend a certain number of tablespoons of various kinds of food to be offered in a certain order to every child over 6 months. The amounts increase according to age, of course, and the recommendations can easily give a parent the impression that 3 solid meals a day are required at an early age and that the challenges of vegetables, fruit and meat are just around the corner.
It is possible, but I would like to hear from you so I can be sure, that parents are left with the impression early on that their baby's birth weight, post-natal weight gain and toddler eating habits are urgent concerns causing some parents who fear they may be judged, to try to get their child to eat more than the child's appetite actually dictates.
The research behind starting solid food and feeding toddlers and preschoolers stresses that parents should be relaxed and respectful of their child's tastes and appetite from day to day. Young children become very aware of colors, smells and texture of food and they also can detect if there is parental pressure to eat. They learn this when someone hovers over them, watching, coaxing or playing games to get them to eat more. The pressure usually results in the child dreading mealtimes and actually eating less in the long run.
There are some resources available to you if you feel stress over how much your child eats. I suggest the Ellen Satter book How to Get Your Child To Eat But Not Too Much. Also, I welcome Telephone Counseling appointments (45 minutes) on the subject of feeding toddlers and preschoolers. You and I will study the list of foods your child will eat willingly and make up a meal plan that takes into account your concerns and your child's nutritional needs. I'll help you gain insight into designing an eating environment so your child will grow up with a healthy relationship with food.
Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's magic menu for daily toddler survival: 2 pints of milk, 2 ounces of protein with iron, a little fruit and 1 multi-vitamin!
Filed under: Daily Routines, Feeding and Eating
