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Time-Outs Are Not Working!
Posted November 14, 2009
Dear Kitty,
My wife and i are going crazy because our 2.5 year old daughter is testing our patience constantly. She climbs up where she isn't allowed, talks back and is whiny much of the time. Things she isn't allowed to touch, such as our CD collection, seem to be her first targets every morning. We've read discipline books and tried Time Outs, but she just laughs. Why aren't they working for us?
I can certainly understand your frustration. Time-Outs vary greatly in style, from putting a child on a naughty mat or placing him on a stair - to putting him in his crib. The only version of Time-Out I recommend in my seminar Setting Healthy Limits Age 1-5 Years, is one that begins with a startle and takes place behind a door and lasts only one minute.
The two other highly effective tools I discuss in my seminar are purposeful ignoring (this would cover whining and talking back) and fantastic babyproofing ( this would deal with the CD problem).
Once your child reaches age three, she'll be a little more logical and be able to understand the consequences of breaking the rules you set up. However, as you can see in my blog entry on The Oppositional Three Year Old, you won't be out of the woods - but the woods will look different.
It may help to realize that your daughter is doing exactly what she is supposed to do - which is to perform hundreds of tests to help her learn what works and what doesn't work. The trick is to stay just one step ahead!
Kitty
Ways I can provide help:
Setting Healthy Limits Age 1-5 Years Seminar
Filed under: Discipline
In parenting, how you say it really counts
Posted September 22, 2009
"Oops, it looks like you forgot the no hurting rule."
"If you throw sand again, we will go home."
"You have a very smart body. Your body knows when to pee and when to go poo and it always feels better after that."
"Here we are at preschool. What do you need to remember today." (no pushing/no grabbing)
"It's OK if you need to cry because crying will actually help you fall asleep faster.
"It can be hard going to bed but your smart body knows when it's tired. I love you and I'll see you in the morning."
"It looks like you aren't hungry right now. I'll put your plate away and you can let me know if you want it back a little later."
"It's cold outside today. Do you want to wear your jacket or have it in the bag? It's your choice."
"I know! Sometimes our hands just don't want to share. But you are in charge of your hands, so you can help them remember."
"It's time to go inside. Do you want to walk or shall I carry you?"
"Every day it will get easier for you to remember that rule."
"I know it's hard to go to bed wometimes but your smart body knows when it is tired. I love you and I'll see you in the morning."
"It's really important for the door to stay closed (locked) all night long in order to keep you safe. I'll open it at breakfast time."
"It's OK to cry because crying will actually help you fall asleep sooner.
" You are doing a really good job."
Filed under: Discipline, Daily Routines, Feeding and Eating, Sleep, Toilet Learning
Throwing Food 2
Posted April 20, 2009
Hi Kitty,
My daughter (who is close to 18 months now) has always thrown things. Her food, her toys, her sippy ... you name it. Now, I feel like she should be past this phase (or at least getting there) but it seems it is getting worse. She launches her sippy and gets close to breaking things, she always throws her food, and our dog is starting to get over-fed! When I tell her "no", she just gets mad and throws more. I eventually take all her food away, and only give her little bits at a time, but that is also frustrating. What can we do to help stop this?
Throwing will stop most quickly if purposefully ignored. She is doing it to get a reaction (it works!) so the reactions have to stop. Put the dog away during her meals. Keep her sippy cup on the counter and give it to her when she asks, and then put it back on the counter until the day comes when she realizes if she throws it it goes into the fridge. You needn't comment on that, just do it and let her fuss.
Throwing food is a sign she isn't really hungry and the meal needs to end. Saying "NO" simply makes it more interesting for her. If the food is going over, ignore the food, but end the meal saying "It looks like you are done." Get her down, even kicking and screaming, and ignore all that. Pick up the food in a few minutes.
Next meal you may observe (from the corner of your eye, only) that she does not throw as much. If she does, end the meal again, without any big reaction on your part.
Don't allow any more food until the next scheduled meal. She'll survive and she'll slowly be learning a new rhythm.
When she throws toys, try not to see and not to react. The fun of doing it will gradually disappear for her - since nobody will be watching.
Filed under: Discipline, Feeding and Eating
