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The Only Child

Posted October 12, 2011

I'm an only child.  A singleton. A 'lonely only." I always smile when I hear people use those terms to refer to a childd who has not brothers and sisters.  Was I lonely?  Absolutely not.  In fact, I quite loved being the only child, primarily because I didn't have any other experience to compare it with. My mother stayed home as most women did in those days and while she was never my playmate, she often had really great ideas of things I could do to have fun and entertain myself.  She told me how to set up a tent over 4 chairs and suggested I bring my dolls in there and she would serve my lunch in my "fort" or "hospital" or whatever I was calling my hideaway that day.

My cousin lived down the street (those were the days) and soon I was able to walk there by myself.  We played dolls and pretended a lot but I was always happy to go back home try out some of my cousin's imaginative friends - on my own. 

I believe one reason I felt so content is that my parents never felt sorry for me about my "only" status.  My mother didn't go out of her way to find playmates for me but I could have one if I wanted.  I dont' remember ever hearing her tell any other parent (in a low voice) that she couldn't have any more children and therefore I was (doomed?) to have no sisters or brothers. 

I know that many people grow up feeling tremendously grateful for their brothers and sisters and can't imagine childhood without them.  Others, not so much.  I would like to know about you.  Were you an only child and was that a happy state or were you sometimes lonely.  And if you've decided (or found out) that one child is the perfect size for your family - do you sometimes feel sorry for your "only" child and feel you'll need to go out of your way to make up to her or him for that?

Please write me a note about your experience.

 

Telephone Appointments resume next week.

Seminars begin again in November with our prenatal infant sleep program on November 3.

Email Questions available immediately.

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Slow Parenting - Let’s Take a Look

Posted September 18, 2011

"Leisure" by W. H. Davies
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

 

All my adult life I've been attracted to the concepts of slowing down, the practice of voluntary simplicity, protecting thinking time and understanding the value of daydreaming.  My daily life, however, inevitably speeds up the moment I look the other way.I often am attracted to and sometimes very excited by fast food, fast money, fast travel ("A weekend in Madrid!"), etc. I want my computer connection to be fast; I have an iphone; when I want to be entertained I expect to download the right movie right NOW and if we want to barbeque frozen steaks tonight I need them to THAW IMMEDIATELY on the correct microwave setting.

 

Still, I always come back to the appeal of slow.  The Slow Food Movement has great appeal for it's many followers and practitioners and I've recently become aware of the Slow Home Movement , right here in Calgary - can't wait to go! , and the Slow Movement which covers travel, cities, books, food and money.

 

Since 1983 when I founded the Infant Resource Center which is now Raymond Parenting, I have watched children's lives speed up.  Babies now  spend a lot of time in their carseat, driving to Gymborie, music or swim classes.  I see toddlers joining playgroups or registered early for preschool so they can hurry to become better socialized. There are baby jogging groups, baby yoga groups and pottery classes for 3 year olds. Occasionally, I hear from a parent who feels she has a discipline problem because her 2.5  year old wants to grab the musical instruments instead of waiting for her turn in music class.  I know there are four an five year olds playing soccer and parents who say "But he loves it!"

It is not my intention to lecture or chastise parents who are simply following the parenting styles of all the other parents they know.  Who wants to have the only child who hasn't learned to skate or swim by age four?  Who wants to stay home with a bored child who constantly begs to go to the park."

 

In my next few blogs and on the Raymond Parenting News facebook page, I'll be quoting some of you who I hope will write with your own stories of a fast or slow childhood.  What were your experiences and how do they compare to your child's experiences right now.  How hard is it to arrange for your child's childhood to evolve more slowly.  And are you and your spouse in agreement about a philosophy of slower parenting and slower chlldhoods.  What would you like to see changed in our parenting society.

 

"Childhood: the state of being  a child." (free online dictionary)

 

Raymond Parenting Services in October

Believe it or not I'm taking October off from teaching seminars so I can "stand and stare" like the sheep and cows.  We are going to take a leisurly road trip to Vancouver Island, Nanaimo to visit our daughter, and of course we have to check out our sailboat in Sidney. Here are the Raymond Parenting dates for the next 6-8 weeks:

Email Counseling

This service is constantly available because I remain 'connected' wherever i am.  ($45. Deluxe  $25. Short Answer.  My answer comes in 2-3 days)

Telephone Counseling

I am availble for prearranged Telephone Counseling appointments on the following dates through October:

Monday, September 19 and Wednesday September 20

Monday, October 17 and Wednesday October 19

Monday, October 24 and Wednesday, October 26 

November on most Mondays and Wednesdays -- in other words, back to normal.

Seminars

Sleep from the Start (prenatal) Thursday December 1  (not held Oct. or November)

Sleep from Now On (12 lbs to 3 yrs) Tuesday November 8

Setting Healthy Limits (Discipline) Tuesday, November 15

Toilet Learning the Easy Way  Tuesday, November 22

 

 

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Baby Refuses Solid Food

Posted September 6, 2011

First of all, it is important to remember that it isn't crucial for him to eat cereal.  Granted, it is often easy for a baby to like and provides iron for breastfed babies who don't get iron after 6 months or so.  But since he is formula fed, he is getting plenty of iron.  This means he can start with whatever he seems to tolerate best. 

Another thing that is important to remember is that milk is the major growth food until he reaches one year.  The introduction to solid food is now for "practice" only, and will not determine his rate of growth at this point.

Because he is nearly 8 months, we need to focus on approaching him via what he is curious about rather than trying to fit him into specific recommendations you might have received from books, charts you've been given, etc.  So, if he watches you eating your lunch or dinner, put a small piece of what you are eating (bread, cheese, noodle, etc.)on his tray and let him decide what to do with it.  If you don't come at him with food, he maybe much more receptive. 

Let him reach for what he wants, regardless of the time of day or the particular nutrition involved..  He gets his major calories from milk, which  should be offered about 3-4 times a day.  The timing of the solid food should be more according to when he is curious about what you are eating; it doesn't need to be locked in to breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Please write back and let me know if this makes intuitive sense to you, and if you are feeling pressure from books, clinics or charts. In the meantime, I highly recommend books by Ellyn Satter. Ellyn Satter pioneered the concepts of the feeding relationship and eating competence. She is the author of the division of responsibility in feeding. 

Kitty Raymond

As far as pressure from books, charts - perhaps I have been a little guarded in what I'm willing to let my son try (although that's gone out the window the past two days).  Most books recommend not introducing dairy or food with egg in it until after the 9 month mark.  (My meatballs have dairy products and egg in them).  I've been slightly confused by this recommendation though, given that formula is cow's milk based ?????? So, yes, I guess I have felt some pressure to "follow the rules and recommendations" of the literature I've been given at public health visits and via health link.  It's true, I've had some guilt in letting my baby eat the teething biscuits which are on the forbidden list and cheese (also forbidden).  I would love to venture into yogurt, but that's a strict taboo based on the whole "probiotics are too much for babies tummy" theory.  What's a mom to do?! 

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