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Alberta Health Services - Only One Way to Parent?

Posted May 15, 2012

Families deserve choices. Too often bureaucratic policies  based on a "one-size fits all" model dictates the advice handed out to new parents in Alberta. This isn't fair to new parents, particularly first-timers.  New parents are at their most vulnerable time, often well instructed on birthing options, but woefully unprepared for the pressures that lie ahead.

Parents frequently report the following:  mom may have just fallen asleep a few hours after giving birth, when suddenly a nurse enters the room, announces that it's time to start breastfeeding, and "shoves" (direct quote) the mother's breast into the baby's mouth.  Lots of instructions follow, and while many nurses are gentle and respectful - many are not!  Tears, confusion, screaming baby (who may have also been sleeping peacefully before this began) and suddenly -- two parents on a quick learning curve, finding out they are not in charge any more. 

The weigh-in at the health clinic is another often worrisome experience for new parents.  Naturally, nurses are charting the baby's ability to gain weight.  But the degree of alarm raised (perhaps inadvertently) by a nurse who may not be as gentle in her reactions as she should, can send parents into scary place, where 'feeding failure' lands like a brick on their shaky self-esteem.

 

Instead, parents need to be informed during their prenatal class and in the hospital and in postnatal classes -- that how a baby is fed has no bearing on the growth of a secure attachment.  There should be clear information on breastfeeding and it's advantages as well as information on formula feeding as a clear, safe option.  There should be more stress on how a secure attachment should centre on both parents, and not just the mother, and has nothing to do with where the baby sleeps. 

Attachment Parenting (AP) is just one possible choice of many styles of parenting.  Sleep is enormously important and babies and parents should be taught strategies for good sleep from the start, no matter the style. 

Many physicians do a very good job of reminding parents that it is OK for a baby to cry when all has been done that can be.  However, very often the Alberta Health Services front line personnell do not.  Parents are warned that letting a baby cry may harm the attachment process.  This is not true and the stats on  shaken baby syndrome have risen since this advice became the 'popular word.'  Parents are often made to feel like bad parents if they allow their baby time to cry, so they do everything they can to STOP the crying, perhaps with catastrophic results.

In Calgary, Alberta, and Canada, what is needed is for the directives to end and for the information given out be more accurate and less determined by the breastfeeding and AP lobby's agendas.  When this has been raised before the answer is always "Parents can let us know if this is not going well for them, using our complaint forms, and we do not hear from them." 

Next time you are in your Dr.'s office or you public health clinic, be ready to speak up on paper --about what you appreciate, and...what you don't.

 

Look What's Coming!

JUNE 2012

June 5 Sleep from Now On

June 7 Sleep from the Start

June 12 Toilet Learning the Easy Way

JULY - no classes or Telephone Appointments

AUGUST 2012

Aug. 9 Sleep from the Start

August 14 Sleep from Now On

August 21 Toilet Learning the Easy Way

August 28 Setting Healthy Limits

SEPTEMBER 2012

September 6 Sleep from the Start

September 11 Sleep from Now On

 

Telephone Counseling Appointments (all questions,  every seminar cov ered!)

Dates: May 29, June 4, 6, August 6, 8, 13, 15, 20, 22, 27 and 29.  Wow, let's talk!

 

Oh, and check out Kitty's  new videos (summary of seminars)!!

 

All registration taken at http://www.raymondparenting.com

 

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Attachment Parenting: To Sleep or Not to Sleep?

Posted May 6, 2012

Following the philosophy of Attachment Parenting needn't interfere with a parent's ability to help their baby learn to be a good sleeper. There are ways to do both.

The most important step a parent can take toward helping your baby learn to sleep well begins with simply putting your baby down - awake - and  giving her time for and practice in getting herself to sleep.  Doing this from the very beginning is one ideal way to  help your baby learn to self-regulate.

Your baby bases everything on her primary relationship. As soon as an early relationship with you is activated, she'll use you to help her self-regulate. She'll learn to regulate her sleep/awake times, hunger/fullness and her whole spectrum of emotions - based on this all-important primary relationship. When she is happy she'll see that reflected in your steady, confident response. When she is angry or sad, she will be looking to you for that same steady, confident demeanor.

Being consistent about feeding for hunger and avoiding feeding to sleep helps your baby get acquainted with the signals she is receiving from her body.  She'll know how to signal hunger and fullness to you and she'll learn how to take herself from an awake state to a state of sleep. 

Caring for your baby this way will support her self esteem and growing competence, allowing her to have the best possible start in life. 

 

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Filed under: Feeding and Eating, Sleep

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Can Little Kids Make Decisions?

Posted April 30, 2012

Family decision-making is usually done by parents.  I see a more balanced family structure when the parents are comfortable giving children their unquestioned leadership.  But a decision and who who has the power to make it -  has a shade of gray to it, depending on the age of the child and the style with which the parent governs.  So what decisions can a child make and which ones should remain with the parent?  How you handle this in your family can make the difference between a child "running the household" versus a balanced, adult-led environment - where children can still feel some empowerment.

 

Some Examples of Adult Decisions

• Bedtime
• Food that comes into the house
• Food that will be available at mealtimes and for snacks
  
• Screen time allowed (TV, computer, iPad, phone, games, etc.)
• Times when adult is available for play
• Time to leave the house and time to come back inside at the end of the day
• Timing of the diaper change
  

Some Examples Child Decisions

• When to actually fall asleep within the bedtime framework
• Whether to sleep soundly all night or to be awake, fuss, sing, etc.
• Where in their own room they will sleep (bed, floor, sleeping bag)
  
• Whether to eat when food is ready
• What / how much to eat of food being served
• How long to whine when parent is busy
• How hard to fight during diaper change

I bet you have other decisions that come to mind.  Does it belong to parents or might it be OK if it belongs to the child.  What is your opinion of adult-led decisions about the family structure and the child-led decisions that might happen within that structure. I look forward to your reponse.  How does it work in your household?

 

New Raymond Videos Just Released!

Toilet Learning the Easy Way    Perfect for families who can't make the seminar in Calgary or would prefer to watch instantly in their own home.  Downloadable.

Setting Healthy Limits Age 1-3 Years Children need parents to provide unquestioned leadership as they struggle to learn self-discipline.

  Seminars

Sleep from the Start (prenatal) Thursday May 3, 2012  Bethany Chapel.  3333 Richardson Rd. SW 

Sleep from the Start (prenatal) Thursday June7, 2012  Bethany Chapel  3333 Richardson Rd. SW

Sleep from Now On (12 lbs. up to 3 yrs.) Tuesday, June 5 2012  First Church of Nazarene.  65 Richard Way SW

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